my life in a shitty nutshell
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21-10-2014, 05:08 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
And if she screws up in a car that's in your name - you would be responsible.

You have been used to get extra tax money, then thrown out, then let back in just in time for you to have access to college funds.

Be careful or could lose what your father and the government are providing for your future. You don't need to be the cash cow in the family at the price of screwing up your chance for a better life.

You should look up self-preservation and move past the selfish.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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21-10-2014, 05:08 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:03 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I have a hunch that if you didn't cough up the money for a car - your mom would figure something out.

So should I even talk to my aunt about asking for this money, or should I simply save the money towards a car of my own and let things play out...? If I let things play out, I don't want to regret what happens, knowing that I had some control over the situation and a possible solution to it. But that would be $3,000 of my education money towards something that would be in my name that my mom wouldn't want to give or be able to give to me. And yeah, that probably sounds selfish, but it's still on my mind and I can't help it.
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21-10-2014, 05:09 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:04 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:02 PM)Chas Wrote:  Of course you want to help, but don't be a doormat.
If the car is in your name, it is your car. You can let her use it, but is yours.

But say, for instance, if I moved out, she would need it to continue to work to provide for my little sister. It wouldn't be mine. It would be a car in my name that I couldn't take from her, because if I did take it from her, I'd be a selfish person.

Being selfish about something that is yours isn't being selfish.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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21-10-2014, 05:11 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:04 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:02 PM)Chas Wrote:  Of course you want to help, but don't be a doormat.
If the car is in your name, it is your car. You can let her use it, but is yours.

But say, for instance, if I moved out, she would need it to continue to work to provide for my little sister. It wouldn't be mine. It would be a car in my name that I couldn't take from her, because if I did take it from her, I'd be a selfish person.

You mentioned that she wouldn't let you use the other to learn to drive. She can't pull that if you own the car.

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21-10-2014, 05:11 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:08 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:03 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I have a hunch that if you didn't cough up the money for a car - your mom would figure something out.

So should I even talk to my aunt about asking for this money, or should I simply save the money towards a car of my own and let things play out...? If I let things play out, I don't want to regret what happens, knowing that I had some control over the situation and a possible solution to it. But that would be $3,000 of my education money towards something that would be in my name that my mom wouldn't want to give or be able to give to me. And yeah, that probably sounds selfish, but it's still on my mind and I can't help it.

The most important thing right now is your education so that you can build a way out.

Talk to your aunt about getting a car in case YOU need one for school or a job. Your mom is a big girl but she is using you.

In the long run, your getting an education and a good job will offer more for your sister than a car that will last a couple years at most.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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21-10-2014, 05:11 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:06 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:04 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  But say, for instance, if I moved out, she would need it to continue to work to provide for my little sister. It wouldn't be mine. It would be a car in my name that I couldn't take from her, because if I did take it from her, I'd be a selfish person.

Let her use it until she can save up for her own car. Make it a condition. If you move out, she doesn't need to spend as much money for food, she could use that money to save up for one in her name, and then you can repossess the car in yours.

Also, I understand the compulsion to help out others. It is something I still maintain is one of your greatest traits, but you do not need to bend yourself over and take it simply to help. You can help without the need of giving everything up completely.

There is a middle ground here, we just have to find it.

My mom literally does not save money though. That's why I still don't have a car, because any time we've attempted to make a plan for "saving for another car" for me specifically, she literally never saves her money, but she's able to put money on my card for purchasing tons of stuff online and buying a $300 flat screen from my uncle.
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21-10-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:09 PM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:04 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  But say, for instance, if I moved out, she would need it to continue to work to provide for my little sister. It wouldn't be mine. It would be a car in my name that I couldn't take from her, because if I did take it from her, I'd be a selfish person.

Being selfish about something that is yours isn't being selfish.

There are certain instances where that is definitely not true. I believe that it is a good thing to use your abilities to help others, but not at the cost of seriously damaging yourself or your future.

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21-10-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
Sounds to me Ferdi that your mother is an expert at using emotional blackmail.

Your mother has had 18 years to condition you to be receptive to it.
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21-10-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:11 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:06 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  Let her use it until she can save up for her own car. Make it a condition. If you move out, she doesn't need to spend as much money for food, she could use that money to save up for one in her name, and then you can repossess the car in yours.

Also, I understand the compulsion to help out others. It is something I still maintain is one of your greatest traits, but you do not need to bend yourself over and take it simply to help. You can help without the need of giving everything up completely.

There is a middle ground here, we just have to find it.

My mom literally does not save money though. That's why I still don't have a car, because any time we've attempted to make a plan for "saving for another car" for me specifically, she literally never saves her money, but she's able to put money on my card for purchasing tons of stuff online and buying a $300 flat screen from my uncle.

You need to get out. Now. Get established, help your sister when you are able.

You are not responsible for your mother.

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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21-10-2014, 05:15 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
If you allow things to keep on, you will find yourself in the same situation as your mother. You need to claim the right to a better future and you have the means if you hang onto it.

Most parents want that for their children.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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