my life in a shitty nutshell
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21-10-2014, 06:45 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 06:33 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 06:27 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  No, or she hasn't been recently. Usually when she does anything, it isn't often, and she tells me about it (or I just know because when she does meth she stays up night and day cleaning the entire friggin house.)

Oh FFS...meth...christ.

She isn't worried about what's best for you. That shit's bad news - a little or a lot. If she can come up with meth, she can come up with money for things that are needed.

Crap - just crap.

I actually did a lot of research on Meth. That shit is not even remotely OKAY. It is definitely not something that should be overlooked.

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21-10-2014, 07:53 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
what if your mom signs a contract with your aunt.

Use your funds to purchase a car, but your mother must make payments DIRECTLY to your aunt to reimburse your funds.

I get the feeling your aunt is a smart cookie.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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21-10-2014, 07:58 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
So I just spoke to my dad's sister for the first time in my life and explained my entire situation to her. She's pretty set on my 30K being for educational purposes only, but she said that if I do get a car with the money from my funds, it is without a doubt MINE, not my mom's. After talking to her for a good 45 minutes, we both decided we have a lot to think about. I need to observe how thinks play out over the next couple of days, and we'll most likely speak again Thursday night after we've had some time to think about things. But she and my dad both want what is beneficial to me, but also some middle ground to my mom. She basically told me I should help my mom, but it isn't my responsibility to to fix the entire situation. My mom needs to deal with the consequences and the hand she is dealt. I can be there to help with my younger sister's upbringing, but I shouldn't take it upon myself to just hand her a car. What still bothers me is that the money I saved towards a car on my own will still most likely go towards her tickets and court fees... and I mean I probably sound shitty for being reluctant about that, because I do care about her well being and my sister's and I don't want my mom in jail, but that's my grant money and money I saved on my own. And I strongly doubt I would get that money back.
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21-10-2014, 07:59 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 07:53 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  what if your mom signs a contract with your aunt.

Use your funds to purchase a car, but your mother must make payments DIRECTLY to your aunt to reimburse your funds.

I get the feeling your aunt is a smart cookie.

That's actually a really good idea but it's solely up to my aunt. I'm definitely going to swing that by her though.
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21-10-2014, 08:05 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
you are making arrangements to get transportation for her AND YOU to find employment and school. You have done enough. She needs to be responsible for paying her fines.....not you.

If I were your aunt I would make it a requirement that you have your license, thr car is in your name and it stays insured at all times. And YOU give permission when and who has permission to use it.


I see you enabling your mom to continue on her path of destruction, when she needs to be held accountable.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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21-10-2014, 08:29 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:11 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:06 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  Let her use it until she can save up for her own car. Make it a condition. If you move out, she doesn't need to spend as much money for food, she could use that money to save up for one in her name, and then you can repossess the car in yours.

Also, I understand the compulsion to help out others. It is something I still maintain is one of your greatest traits, but you do not need to bend yourself over and take it simply to help. You can help without the need of giving everything up completely.

There is a middle ground here, we just have to find it.

My mom literally does not save money though. That's why I still don't have a car, because any time we've attempted to make a plan for "saving for another car" for me specifically, she literally never saves her money, but she's able to put money on my card for purchasing tons of stuff online and buying a $300 flat screen from my uncle.

I don't know what to say, Ferd. Just want to give you hugs. Hug

A lot of what you are describing sounds like how it was with my ex. And even after I left him, even after him saying that he knows how he was and how irresponsible with money he was, and after saying that he was going to change, he is still doing the same things over and over. It was very difficult for me to accept (and still is, tbh) that sometimes people really just won't (or can't) change.

Anyway, you will stand up for yourself when you're strong enough. Until that day, there is nothing (at least, there wasn't for me) that anyone can say that will make you strong enough. But one day, I think, you'll realize that you deserve better than this. That all this time you've been worried about other people, and yet *you* are people too, and that if you don't worry for yourself, then who will? You gotta look out for yourself, kiddo. Hug

In the meantime, we are all here for you.

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21-10-2014, 08:44 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
let her sell the tv and other stuff to raise money to pay HER fines. Don't give up your savings. Its giving away your education and your future.

The best thing you can do for your sister is to get yourself in a position that you no longer depend on your mom for anything, because when the day comes that your mom really fucks things up- your sister is going to need you to be prepared to help her, not trying to figure it all out.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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22-10-2014, 03:11 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 05:24 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  
(21-10-2014 05:21 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  Exactly. And then it will be something else that requires her to be bailed out.

I wonder if we can really make this assumption.

Well you could argue that she was not responsible for the car crash and the situation she is in now. On the other hand you could argue that because she is able to sponge off people that she never takes proper responsibility for herself and that she is responsible for not having car insurance. If she had to face up to the consequences of her life then she would have taken out car insurance.

I understand that money is tight, but it's a question of priorities. Is there really nothing else that she could have saved on money on to pay for the insurance? Insurance is one of these costs which is painful and gives you no reward. It's very easy to kid yourself that you don't need it because you haven't had an accident yet and that there are more pressing needs. If she then gets Ferdi to pay for her mistake then she will won't learn her lesson. Such as contents or house insurance.
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22-10-2014, 03:22 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
One thing to bear in mind with any legal arrangements is that you have to be able to reinforce them. A company can afford to hire people to repossess a car and to take you to court. People expect this when they enter into such contracts. Emotional blackmail doesn't work on a company. Your mother might be willing to sign all kinds of contracts and then will end up convincing herself that you won't take her to court or get the car repossessed.

If she's the type of person who's going to keep all your belongings if you move out then she's the type of person who can pay her own way. Look after yourself. Look after your sister if you can. You owe your mother nothing.
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22-10-2014, 05:01 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
Ok- your aunt seems willing to work out some sort of arrangement to get transportation even though the details havent been worked out yet. Hooray for your aunt. Make a point of getting to know her a bit better. She sounds like a good influence in your life.

Next problem- food and shelter- with your mom injured and not bringing in income- how will this be solved? Are the rent and utilities paid up to date? Can your mom get to her regular doctor to be seen? It will be cheaper than the hospital and many can get her x rayed or other basic care. 99 % of doctors keep part of their schedule open for really sick patients to be seen the same day. She should be able to get in if you explain when making an appointment. Atleast there is a set of trained eyes checking her over and if more care is needed he can send her for it. How is your sister? You mentioned in the OP that she hurt something? Now that its been a few days, how is she?

Things will still have to be sold, if for no other reason than to pay rent. Call Social services see if there are any programs to help.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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