my life in a shitty nutshell
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22-10-2014, 05:05 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 07:58 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  So I just spoke to my dad's sister for the first time in my life

How is that possible? Shocking

Quote:and explained my entire situation to her. She's pretty set on my 30K being for educational purposes only, but she said that if I do get a car with the money from my funds, it is without a doubt MINE, not my mom's. After talking to her for a good 45 minutes, we both decided we have a lot to think about. I need to observe how thinks play out over the next couple of days, and we'll most likely speak again Thursday night after we've had some time to think about things. But she and my dad both want what is beneficial to me, but also some middle ground to my mom. She basically told me I should help my mom, but it isn't my responsibility to to fix the entire situation. My mom needs to deal with the consequences and the hand she is dealt. I can be there to help with my younger sister's upbringing, but I shouldn't take it upon myself to just hand her a car. What still bothers me is that the money I saved towards a car on my own will still most likely go towards her tickets and court fees... and I mean I probably sound shitty for being reluctant about that, because I do care about her well being and my sister's and I don't want my mom in jail, but that's my grant money and money I saved on my own. And I strongly doubt I would get that money back.

Your savings are yours. Her fines are hers. This is not difficult.

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22-10-2014, 05:23 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(21-10-2014 07:58 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  So I just spoke to my dad's sister for the first time in my life and explained my entire situation to her. She's pretty set on my 30K being for educational purposes only, but she said that if I do get a car with the money from my funds, it is without a doubt MINE, not my mom's. After talking to her for a good 45 minutes, we both decided we have a lot to think about. I need to observe how thinks play out over the next couple of days, and we'll most likely speak again Thursday night after we've had some time to think about things. But she and my dad both want what is beneficial to me, but also some middle ground to my mom. She basically told me I should help my mom, but it isn't my responsibility to to fix the entire situation. My mom needs to deal with the consequences and the hand she is dealt. I can be there to help with my younger sister's upbringing, but I shouldn't take it upon myself to just hand her a car. What still bothers me is that the money I saved towards a car on my own will still most likely go towards her tickets and court fees... and I mean I probably sound shitty for being reluctant about that, because I do care about her well being and my sister's and I don't want my mom in jail, but that's my grant money and money I saved on my own. And I strongly doubt I would get that money back.

You need to get on your own feet first before you can help your mom and sister up. Get a job, get a car, get an apartment. Move out and get some stability and calm in your life. Once you've done that then you can start thinking about ways you can help your mom and sister.

From my vantage point, it has to be done this way because you can't pull yourself up...and your mom up....while your mom is pulling you down.
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22-10-2014, 05:50 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
(22-10-2014 05:23 AM)Heywood Jahblome Wrote:  you can't pull yourself up...and your mom up....while your mom is pulling you down.

^^^exactly. ^^^

And that is why no one wants you to give her money for her fines. She created that mess, its something she needs to own.

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22-10-2014, 08:01 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
I like the idea someone suggested of having your mom beholden to your aunt for the car.

Instead of taking out the money and just giving you mom a car that she probably wouldn't be responsible with or let you use, let her make payments to your aunt and prove to your aunt that it's insured. Because even though you're 18 and legally an adult, I don't think your mom sees you an adult. She still sees herself as having command over you, so it could be good to get another (few) adult(s) involved.

You could sweeten the deal for your mom by making it sound like a family loan that's interest free and she doesn't have to go get involved with a bank. And she could be involved in determining the monthly amount, this way even the payments could be slightly lower than a traditional loan and therefore easier on her.

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22-10-2014, 09:47 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
In my experience doing "business" with family is almost always a losing proposition. Any time I loan anyone in my family anything I know I am taking the risk of never seeing that money again.
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22-10-2014, 10:23 AM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
Don't do the arrangement where your mum pays your aunt. It would be waiting to blow up if anything changed.

Your aunt is right. If you do down the line get a car then it should be yours. If your mum needs it for work she can borrow it (when she is insured)

If you do let your mum use your money to pay her fines. She pays you the money back.

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22-10-2014, 04:52 PM
RE: my life in a shitty nutshell
I agree with many others and Heywood (for once?).

Focus on yourself, don't be so quick to loan your money and get your license ASAP. Only offer your help when you have sure-footing for yourself, the best way to help your little sister is to be self-sufficient as soon as you can.

Also, definitely culture that relationship with your aunt. She sounds like an intelligent, caring and reasonable woman, family like that can be hard to come by. Take care!

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