my mental health- Am a mess
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
16-06-2016, 02:45 AM
my mental health- Am a mess
OCD Scrupulosity
am having problems with being an atheist
my ocd gives me thoughts that am evil for being an atheist
Schizophrenia
voices tell me am going to hell ...i see demons and devils

depression and GAD
i cant go out the house on my own my husband has to come with me because in the past i have been a danger to myself and others and my anxiety is bad i self injure and have an eating disorder also ( am kinda a mess )
i take medication for them all some times it helps sometimes it dont
i cant work and my husbands my full time carer am also stressed due to a disabilty benefit review been waiting for months to hear anything
grief
i lost my step dad to suicide he jumped from a bridge ..a bridge i have to go over every day i go into town
i am getting group therapy for mindfulness and its helping some i need to be logical keep my mind from making me fell bad for being an atheist ... am a new atheist - i was also abused from a young age by a priest and Catholic friends of the family who are now dead my sister ( who was also abused )and husband knows about the rest of my family dont know about it and will never know about it
i have no kids i have two cats and my teenage nieces stays over every fortnight
and my sister who also had mental health problems
i have to fight my mind every day ...some times i win sometimes it wins Goodevil
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-06-2016, 03:06 AM
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
We very recently lost one of our most beloved members because of mental health issues. He chose to end his life. While we respect his right to make his own decision, it really crushed us. Please, please talk to some of us if you get near that point.

The psychological damage caused by a religious upbringing, with its violence and threats of demons/hell/etc., are bad enough without adding in biologically-rooted mental illness or physical/sexual abuse. It is one of my major complaints about religion-- it is deliberately designed (and evolved over time) to manipulate human emotions in order to subvert rational thinking and thus to gain obedient converts. This makes it especially taxing on those who already have problems in this area, and it sickens me to see the religionists going after those who are vulnerable, as they do. Atheism is freedom from the tyranny of a philosophy that tells you your mind is wrong, and to believe what your priests tell you instead, regardless of the evidence or any other form of rational evaluation.

Here's the good news: everyone is a mess, in some way. Most people simply have the good fortune to have functioning endocrine systems that help them regulate it enough to be able to hide it. It doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with you.

I know it can be hard, during the deconversion process, to think that you can function without religion, but the truth is that you will eventually begin to move past your indoctrination and find that there is great freedom in being able to live as you are. Despite what the religious tell you, with their talk of fallen humanity and sin-nature, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Even when it seems like everything is a weight pressing down on you, and that you must carry it alone, you will find that a practice of rational thinking and relying on your fellow human beings for support will give you a newfound ability to put that weight you're carrying back down.

All of those things you think of as flaws are simply symptoms of an all-too-common disease. You would not feel bad for running a fever, would you? Well, this is the same. And we are here to lean upon when you need us. Please reach out... you can PM me anytime (I'm here in the USA, Central time zone, so remember I'm six hours or so behind you), and I'll answer you with absolute certainty of secrecy (it's a hard rule, here, that PMs are utterly private and the information in them never to be shared, no matter what, unless there are threats or something criminal involved, in which case mods may read them) and empathy.

I am sorry to hear about your father, but you are not him.

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 8 users Like RocketSurgeon76's post
16-06-2016, 03:18 AM
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
Hug

Wishing you and yours all the very best!

Thumbsup
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Peebothuhul's post
16-06-2016, 04:01 AM (This post was last modified: 16-06-2016 04:06 AM by DarkAsylum.)
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
(16-06-2016 03:06 AM)RocketSurgeon76 Wrote:  We very recently lost one of our most beloved members because of mental health issues. He chose to end his life. While we respect his right to make his own decision, it really crushed us. Please, please talk to some of us if you get near that point.

The psychological damage caused by a religious upbringing, with its violence and threats of demons/hell/etc., are bad enough without adding in biologically-rooted mental illness or physical/sexual abuse. It is one of my major complaints about religion-- it is deliberately designed (and evolved over time) to manipulate human emotions in order to subvert rational thinking and thus to gain obedient converts. This makes it especially taxing on those who already have problems in this area, and it sickens me to see the religionists going after those who are vulnerable, as they do. Atheism is freedom from the tyranny of a philosophy that tells you your mind is wrong, and to believe what your priests tell you instead, regardless of the evidence or any other form of rational evaluation.

Here's the good news: everyone is a mess, in some way. Most people simply have the good fortune to have functioning endocrine systems that help them regulate it enough to be able to hide it. It doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with you.

I know it can be hard, during the deconversion process, to think that you can function without religion, but the truth is that you will eventually begin to move past your indoctrination and find that there is great freedom in being able to live as you are. Despite what the religious tell you, with their talk of fallen humanity and sin-nature, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Even when it seems like everything is a weight pressing down on you, and that you must carry it alone, you will find that a practice of rational thinking and relying on your fellow human beings for support will give you a newfound ability to put that weight you're carrying back down.

All of those things you think of as flaws are simply symptoms of an all-too-common disease. You would not feel bad for running a fever, would you? Well, this is the same. And we are here to lean upon when you need us. Please reach out... you can PM me anytime (I'm here in the USA, Central time zone, so remember I'm six hours or so behind you), and I'll answer you with absolute certainty of secrecy (it's a hard rule, here, that PMs are utterly private and the information in them never to be shared, no matter what, unless there are threats or something criminal involved, in which case mods may read them) and empathy.

I am sorry to hear about your father, but you are not him.

Thank you for replying to me am so sorry that a member died
my dad he on my mind a lot at the moment because his birthday is a the end of july and father day is coming up
its been 5 years since he died but its still raw
my husband is with me 24/7 apart from sleeping he locks things like my medication and other dangerous things away i go to mental health drop in sometimes and it helps but i spend most of my time online i cant watch tv anymore like i use to because i get triggered so easily by blood and gore even some films i cant watch
my husband has to watch them before me i go to the cinema and watch kids films or things like x men or marvel kids friendly films
my family dont know am now an atheist my mother will have a fit but i dont care
my mother calls my mental health or other family members mental health as attention seeking (i think she to blame for my dad killing himself but my mum says it was my sisters fault but av never spoke my mind to my mum because she will stop me seeing my nieces ( my sister cant be there guardian so my mum is )
oh and i writing this post i found out i got my disability benefits
Thumbsup

Peebothuhul thank you for hugs Hug
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like DarkAsylum's post
16-06-2016, 08:14 AM
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
I am not surprised that you are still raw about your dad, 5 years is not very long.
Nobody is to blame about his actions, it was a decision he made himself. I am so sorry that it hurts you, but you are not to blame.
Hug
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes skyking's post
16-06-2016, 09:05 AM
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
I don't watch TV at all, either. Can't stand it, but for different reasons.

(Mom converted to my dad's faith, Southern Baptist fundamentalist, and an evangelist told them that TV was, quote, "the Devil's way of sneaking into your home"... so I grew up with no TV and just never developed the habit. Tried it as an adult and was like, WTF is this shite. With the advent of the internet, I can see the things I choose to see, and avoid the Programmer.)

Your husband sounds awesome. Lots of us are gamers... self included. He might like it here. At least send him our thanks and our greetings. Smile

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes RocketSurgeon76's post
16-06-2016, 09:29 AM (This post was last modified: 16-06-2016 09:53 AM by jennybee.)
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
*Hugs* So sorry you're struggling. Scrupulosity is common from religious brainwashing. If you read any books on cults or cult mentality, you will see many similarities between what is classified as cult mentality and Christianity/Catholicism. Your brain has been conditioned to fear God, fear hell, the devil, fear sin, and love Jesus. Brainwashing from a religious group is particularly strong if you've been exposed to it at a young age like you were.

When I first deconverted from Christianity (also was former Catholic), I struggled for a bit with "What if I'm wrong? What if there is really a God and he's going to be royally pissed now I'm an atheist?!" After a few years of conditioning myself back to reality, those fears subsided and I saw them for what they were.

What helped me was to realize that I was brainwashed by my religion, my brain was conditioned to fear and believe certain things. Also, helpful was reading about *scholarly* biblical history. Knowing why the people of the biblical era wrote the stories they did and why they created the god that they did was very helpful in my seeing how my church distorted religious passages and gave us all misinformation. It also helped me to further see the absurdity of the Bible. That's the whole thing--you need to show your brain the absurdity. For instance, why does God ask Job if he knows where the sun goes? Because in biblical times they believed the sun passed through the underworld. Why was light created before the sun in Genesis? Because they believed the sun was not the only light bearer and God provided light from somewhere else. Maybe from a giant light switch in the sky Wink (when the sun goes behind a cloud, there is still light was where this idea came from). Obviously, today we know none of this is true. This is the mindset of the people you are dealing with.

I am not sure if you've read the Skeptic's Annotated Bible by Steve Wells, but that really helped me see the absurdity in my belief system as well.

Also helpful re: scholarly biblical history in an easy to understand, interesting way: The Bible: A Historical and Literary Introduction by Bart Ehrman. It will teach you what they did not in church. It will really help to put some of your fears to rest and the Bible will actually make a lot more sense from a cultural point of view. It teaches you why the people of the biblical era believed what they did. Why they created their version of god.

I also found it helpful to read about different culture's religious beliefs. There are so many out there, so many gods created. The Christian god is just one more magical being added to the slew of magical beings over time.

I'm adding a cult checklist--see if anything reminds you of your ex religion.

Characteristics Associated with Cultic Groups - Revised

Janja Lalich, Ph.D. & Michael D. Langone, Ph.D.

Concerted efforts at influence and control lie at the core of cultic groups, programs, and relationships. Many members, former members, and supporters of cults are not fully aware of the extent to which members may have been manipulated, exploited, even abused. The following list of social-structural, social-psychological, and interpersonal behavioral patterns commonly found in cultic environments may be helpful in assessing a particular group or relationship.

Compare these patterns to the situation you were in (or in which you, a family member, or friend is currently involved). This list may help you determine if there is cause for concern. Bear in mind that this list is not meant to be a “cult scale” or a definitive checklist to determine if a specific group is a cult. This is not so much a diagnostic instrument as it is an analytical tool.

The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.

Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).

The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry—or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).

The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar—or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).

The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.

The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream religious denominations).

The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members' participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to family or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities).

The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt iin order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.

Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.

The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

The group is preoccupied with making money.

Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.

Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.

The most loyal members (the “true believers”) feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 5 users Like jennybee's post
16-06-2016, 09:39 AM
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
I am similar, details differ but about as alike as two issues of the same magazine. Abuse history, family trauma, OCD, food addiction, struggle with normal daily stuff everyone else seems to do so easily. I can still work for now, but as some of my symptoms change I can see that changing.

You're not alone. Remember you are not your symptoms. Welcome. Smile
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like I Am's post
16-06-2016, 04:10 PM
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
(16-06-2016 02:45 AM)DarkAsylum Wrote:  OCD Scrupulosity
am having problems with being an atheist
my ocd gives me thoughts that am evil for being an atheist
Schizophrenia
voices tell me am going to hell ...i see demons and devils

depression and GAD
i cant go out the house on my own my husband has to come with me because in the past i have been a danger to myself and others and my anxiety is bad i self injure and have an eating disorder also ( am kinda a mess )
i take medication for them all some times it helps sometimes it dont
i cant work and my husbands my full time carer am also stressed due to a disabilty benefit review been waiting for months to hear anything
grief
i lost my step dad to suicide he jumped from a bridge ..a bridge i have to go over every day i go into town
i am getting group therapy for mindfulness and its helping some i need to be logical keep my mind from making me fell bad for being an atheist ... am a new atheist - i was also abused from a young age by a priest and Catholic friends of the family who are now dead my sister ( who was also abused )and husband knows about the rest of my family dont know about it and will never know about it
i have no kids i have two cats and my teenage nieces stays over every fortnight
and my sister who also had mental health problems
i have to fight my mind every day ...some times i win sometimes it wins Goodevil

Do you see a qualified psychiatrist weekly or every other week? If you can that would be ideal. Find a REALLYgood psychiatrist that deals with both transgender issues and depression. I say that because you mentioned in your introduction thread that you were transgender.

I'm not a psychiatrist so please keep this in mind but my transgender daughter was initially diagnosed with schizophprenia and had symptoms of OCD. We had her going to a psychologist who had no experience with transgender people and very little with schizophrenia. My daughter was on anti psychotic medication which had all kinds of side effects.

To make a long story short I was dissatisfied with the way things were going and we finally found a fantastic psychiatrist who had worked with both transgender and schizophrenic people. She was curious about the schizophrenia diagnosis because the transgender people she had worked with over the 30 years of her practice suffered from such severe depression that it mimicked schizophrenia. It's called Psychotic Depression. Now I can't say that this is what you're suffering from but it would be worth your while to find a damned good psychiatrist who has worked with both transgender and schizophrenic people and is knowledgeable about Psychotic Depression. Does schizophrenia run in your family?

My daughter finally came out of it when she transitioned and took hormones. As soon as the hormones hit her body the depression lifted. She hasn't take anti-psychotics for four years. She just takes the hormones . She gives herself hormone shots every two weeks. The shots are better than pills.

With your health insurance in Scotland are you able to choose which psychiatrist you want to go to? Can you request someone who is experienced with both transgender issues and schizophrenia? I would highly recommend this approach.

Keep posting.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes dancefortwo's post
17-06-2016, 12:29 AM
RE: my mental health- Am a mess
thank you all so much for replying to me ...i only see my psychiatrist every few months as the nhs will only pay for me to see her that much ...am genderqueer but am not going to be taking hormones because am mainly female and a small part male ( i dress male some times but i dont do its 50/50 more like 70/30) my body looks more female because am obese i have women curves so dress as male is hard

mental health runs in our family there is my cousin has it no other family member has schizophrenia , bipolar and depression runs in our family
over in Scotland most people dont have insurance the medical services are free but you have long waiting list and will only spend if you are very very ill i cant choose my psychiatrist you see who you are given
i did have a psychologist and she just said when i told her i am trans she didnt adress it at all she moved on to something else i dont see her anymore but i dont see anyone now apart from my dr and psychiatrist who arent interested about me being trans Facepalm and give me meds av been on these meds for 10 years


thank you all for posting back to me and your advice
Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes DarkAsylum's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: