my personal rant
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09-05-2016, 08:18 PM
RE: my personal rant
(09-05-2016 08:10 PM)Dom Wrote:  Just wondering, those work friends you went out with, do you wait for them to ask you again or do you take initiative?

yeah i have talked to them about doing other things. one group was supposed to go hiking with me.. but they ended up going without me.
there is one girl who seems to be ok with hanging around me.. but the history makes it extremely uncomfortable and she only wants to go to bars every weekend.
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09-05-2016, 08:20 PM
RE: my personal rant
(09-05-2016 08:08 PM)debna27 Wrote:  I feel the same way a lot of the time; ever since I moved away from where I grew up it's been really difficult to find people that I connect with. I wish I could help you more, but all I can really say is that you aren't alone. You have friends here, you have your boyfriend, and I'm sure that in time you'll find more of the sort of friends that you're looking for. I can tell from your posts here that you're a genuine, kind, and good person and, like Banjo said, people will come to you.
Hug Stay strong! If you need someone to talk to, I (and many others) will be here for you.

thank you.
im hoping with this new job and working in a different city will help me. maybe dealing with new people will be nice.
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09-05-2016, 08:21 PM
RE: my personal rant
I am 51 and can count the number of true friends easily. Most are passing strangers.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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09-05-2016, 08:26 PM
RE: my personal rant
(09-05-2016 08:21 PM)Banjo Wrote:  I am 51 and can count the number of true friends easily. Most are passing strangers.

yeah.. i just envy friendships...
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10-05-2016, 04:42 PM
RE: my personal rant
Friends are not a small thing. Neither is loneliness.

I don't make friends easily. Never acquired the nack. The few that I have are precious.

I have a similar problem with work. I moved last year and, while all the people at work a really great people, we just don't seem to click. Great co-workers but not people that I'd call friends. Even in the few cases where our lifestyles match up, things just haven't meshed. The attempts that we've made have been awkward and forced. Obviously artificial to all involved. Not entirely unlike your bar-hopping coworker, though for entirely different reasons.

One of the things that I've found is that you need to find 'your people'. Not necessarily people who think or act like you, that can actually be a hindrance in some cases, but people who get you and accept you and all of your eccentricities. If they don't then just move on. They might be very nice people, but if they don't understand you then friendship is going to be tricky at best.

A while back I had to uproot entirely and move across the country for school. It was hard because I had to leave behind all of my support network. I'm a tumbleweed by nature but I need some human contact or I spend too much time alone in my head. That move was bad. Books, phone calls and the internet kept me sane the first few months. The net can only do so much though. It isn't worth a damn for communicating nuances or for screaming at and as lovely as Hug is it just isn't the same.

After that I got my ass out the door and joined some of the larger campus groups. If you're an introverted type-B like me that'll be hard but it can really pay off. The hiking club was where things worked out for me. The club itself was just *meh* but it was big enough and active enough that I bumped into enough people that a few of them stuck. One or two people who might have become long-term friends had circumstances been otherwise. Great to hang out with until we parted ways though.

I'm not sure what you're into and a lot of university clubs will be winding down for the summer. On the plus side, many of the people left are summer students who are also temporarily shorn of their normal peer-group. The various hiking and outdoors clubs will have smaller membership but higher activity while the weather's decent. Community groups if you're inelligible for the college scene. Volunteer organizations also work well if you can find something that matches your interests.

In the meanwhile there's always venting here. It's inadequate but better than walled up with your thoughts for company.

Hug Chase Hobo

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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10-05-2016, 05:10 PM
RE: my personal rant
I'm sure things will work out, and in time you'll make some friends in your new job. As Banjo and others suggested, don't force it. It'll just happen.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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10-05-2016, 05:27 PM
RE: my personal rant
thanks everyone. i hope so. im leaving a building of a few hundred people for a smaller place. my new job will only have about 5 people working. at least i already know one person going in and thats my dads ex. she hired me. should make it a bit easier.
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11-05-2016, 12:41 PM
RE: my personal rant
I feel you, and hope things improve! In a similar situation, new job, new state, coworkers who don't really click as non-work friends or cancel on out of work hanging out, etc. And most of the people who share my interests are my students, so I can't try to hang out with them.

Need to think of a witty signature.
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11-05-2016, 02:49 PM
RE: my personal rant
We don't bite... much... except for Muffs. He bites a lot. Hang out with us Smile And IRL friends... well, they come and go. Friend making is a skill that can be learned.

For a start, going bar hopping is... if that's not your thing then don't do it... I used to do that, always hated it, never had a good experience and frequently used to fuck off early when it got too much for me. Never made a single friend like that.

Like ol' Paleo said, find *your* kind of people. You enjoy hiking? Don't organise a bunch of people you already know, maybe think about joining a local hiking group for a couple of day hikes or something? That way the stress of organising doesn't fall on you or an acquaintance, you can just go and enjoy. And hiking is a good thing 'cos people will talk on a hike, they may share a chocolate bar or something - it's naturally easier to make friends in that situation.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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11-05-2016, 03:37 PM
RE: my personal rant
(11-05-2016 02:49 PM)morondog Wrote:  We don't bite... much... except for Muffs. He bites a lot. Hang out with us Smile And IRL friends... well, they come and go. Friend making is a skill that can be learned.

For a start, going bar hopping is... if that's not your thing then don't do it... I used to do that, always hated it, never had a good experience and frequently used to fuck off early when it got too much for me. Never made a single friend like that.

Like ol' Paleo said, find *your* kind of people. You enjoy hiking? Don't organise a bunch of people you already know, maybe think about joining a local hiking group for a couple of day hikes or something? That way the stress of organising doesn't fall on you or an acquaintance, you can just go and enjoy. And hiking is a good thing 'cos people will talk on a hike, they may share a chocolate bar or something - it's naturally easier to make friends in that situation.

i like hanging out with yall! you guys are the best.

ill just have to find something im interested in i guess and go out into the world. hiking does sound like a good way to make friends.
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