not dealing with things so well
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02-04-2017, 07:30 PM
not dealing with things so well
ok so i know i havent been around much lately
a lot is going on in my mind and i really dont know where to start
i haven't been feeling up to anything lately. i always have a lingering feeling of hopelessness but it has been worsening over time
my mother is surprised that nothing is exciting to me (even though i am trying to get a car) and she says i used to be happy. my response was "a flower isnt in bloom forever"
i dont really see much of a point to doing things anymore. i view my life as meaningless and have decided i am only deserving of the worst things ive been through (i guess so i think nothing bad has actually happened in my life)
my motivation is down the drain and i feel like anything i do is just me going through motions without actually being engaged in things. i cant focus and i always feel exhausted. im always on the verge of crying and im getting increasingly withdrawn.
im somewhat frustrated. my current therapist is dismissive of my issues and i have been trying to get an actual evaluation and better help for months with no luck. yet had i found a strange lump on my body, id be in a dr's office within days. maybe i dont deserve help. should i let nature take its course?
i wonder why my mother ever contacted this particular therapist back in high school when i started feeling really down. before my sessions she would always chat with the person beforehand and now this person is a family friend. yet no real effort has been made to diagnose or treat me. this therapist says she is good at diagnosing things. i dont believe this. shes barely helpful at addressing issues and isnt liscenced to diagnose. i can take care of most eucalyptus species well but i cant identify them for the life of me. knowing how to ID something and knowing how to deal with it are 2 separate matters
then if i feel better for a day i assume im perfectly fine. honestly an evaluation would help so i know wats wrong. if they determine im perfectly fine then no harm in the eval right?
my mother is irritating because she says my childhood was perfect so theres no reason i should have any issues. 1 there doesnt need to be an issue for someone to be mentally ill. 2 while i didnt have a childhood involving drugs, the foster system, or sexual abuse (btw im not one who thinks the only bad things people go through are sexual in nature and maybe later ill rant on why that mindset is toxic), but it wasnt perfect. i wont get into specifics because someone will accuse me of fishing for sympathy (though this whole post could be argued as that too-i wont stop someone from alleging that). im fed up and i feel like theres really no hope for me. i should leave school and just fade away into abstractness
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02-04-2017, 07:36 PM
RE: not dealing with things so well
I don't much like the idea that your therapist is a family friend who discusses things with your mother without you present. Are you an adult - I am sorry, I don't recall if I know your age.

What someone else thinks is a perfect life is their perception. If you are seeking help because of your unhappiness it is not someone's else's place to say that you have no reason to be unhappy...it's a therapist's job to figure out what's going on, not to be dismissive or to say you don't have a right to how you feel.

I suggest stating your concerns plainly and ask for another counselor.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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02-04-2017, 09:08 PM
RE: not dealing with things so well
Relationships with a therapist is not professional. It his his or hers job to get to know you without the influence of family or friends. Which is the point of one on one talks and evaluations. If he or she fails to do this, they are no worth your time or money.

Along the lines of your mom, perhaps what should be said is 'Not to live in the past and stay in the present to look for the future.' She sounds like she obsessed with the past, and refuses to let go of that, and refuses to think there is anything wrong with you. If she is religious, that makes it all the worse. Those who are highly religious tend to see themselves as untouchable as they have God on their side. This carries over to how they raise their kids. They feel the need to point out to anyone who says their child might be depressed or have anxiety that they are liars, and will actively seek out someone who will confirm what THEY say, not what the child thinks. (This is with any parent, religious or not... however I have not ever seen cases of an atheist parent doing such a thing...)

Truthfully I'd think that your mom is not looking at the larger picture. Perhaps you should comment to your therapist that your mom would say certain things, however you do not feel such a way. Either you'll get a snide comments, in which it is confirmed he is not being professional, or he or she will ask you to elaborate. As I have said, therapist are there to hear from your mouth, and have to take out the words of family and friends. It's their job. (Which is personally why I think Christian Therapist are just religious wanna-be nuts. Degree or not, religious is an opinionated force, just like family and friends, and should be left out when making an evaluation.) Then again, I've been known to give bad advice, but that's just personally what I would do.

You have people here who are willing to listen, people who are willing to help you if you seek them out. It seems hard, but don't fall into the trap your mom is. The past should be laid to rest, live in the moment and look to the future. You don't need to plan out your life in advance, many have made this mistake and find themselves on a ridged road they can't get off of.
Life seems complicated, but that's only because people make it hard, if your therapy sessions aren't working out, and if your an adult, perhaps it's time to look for something that gives you small bits of joy. Find a way to get away from it, draw, read a book, hiking outside, heck listen to scream-o metal bands. That's what I do when I want to get away from my parents.
(Though me personally, with my temper, I would have snapped at that point and gave the therapist a reason to listen to me as I'm screaming at the top of my lungs.... please don't do that... I have a bad temper as it is, and reading this post already makes me want to wring the son of a bitches scrawny neck. I can't stand it when people with the degree squander it by being unprofessional and rude. Just because you got the money to get your degree does not make you God.)

If you just want to talk PM me, I'd be more then happy to listen. I can only give my best advice, and try to hold back my temper by not telling you to snap at the person and tell them what's for lol. But you sound like an honest person, and I know a bit of what your going through, I had a mom who almost did the same thing to me growing up, only with more evangelic like book she brow beat me with.

I hope I helped a bit, and not made it worse I'd hate it if I did. And I hope that you do get people in your life who will help you, and who out of your parents influence. Good luck on getting your car, because I'm sure it'll be usefully to getting out of the house! Big Grin (I really need to get a car...)

"Governments don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking That is against their interests.
They want obedient workers people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork And just dumb enough to passively accept it."

- George Carlin
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03-04-2017, 12:09 AM
RE: not dealing with things so well
Pain is real to the person experiencing it. Putting down another pain as "not real" or "Not bad enough to deserve sympathy" reflects poorly on the person saying such things. Failure to address the issue is neglect, even therapists can do it. Parents are especially prone to this, they want to think nothing is wrong and if they pretend nothing is wrong it must be so.

A therapist shouldn't be talking with your parents unless they have damn good reason to (My personal opinion). After all if they are good friends with your mom how can they remain objective. It's called professionalism. I told friends of my parents about my abuse when I was 5.... They told my parents what I said.... I was punished.... I never made that mistake again.

With regards to how you feel.... Hmm... The things I want to say to you, I'm not sure you would be able to hear in your present emotional state. I'm going to say them anyway though, because you deserve to hear them. You don't deserve the bad things in your life, and only a very pathetic worthless human could say otherwise. Um, I'm a nihilist, I agree life is meaningless, my life too. But you know, I also make my own meaning, I create my happy despite knowing real nightmares and horrors. I'm not saying its easy, I'm not saying you can or should live as I do. I'm only saying that the emotional state you are in now, the thoughts and feelings you have now may not be the only way to think or feel, and you may not always think or feel that way. Environment play's a huge role. When I was little I thought I deserved to be beat with a 2x4, I also didn't know that wasn't normal for parents to do that.... So don't disparage your experiences. Abusers will tell you "It's not that bad," and "Other people have it worse, you have no reason to be depressed." If people are telling you stuff like that, its a huge red flag for someone like me.

I hope you stay safe, I hope you remain healthy, I hope you find healing for the hurt you have inside. You might not think you deserve it, you might not think it's worth the effort, you might not think you could ever find it. I still hope those things for you. The words may ring hollow in your ears, I know what its like to hear such things from others and to feel like it's meaningless, good advice from those who don't know what its like, to those who can't be helped. Advice better suited for people who deserve it. You still deserve to hear it. You deserve to know you matter, even if its just strangers on the internet telling you this right now.

Also. I won't judge you. No matter what happens. Never forget that k. We experience horrors, we commit horrors, and when it becomes too much sometimes we want to run away. I could never judge anyone for feeling or thinking about such things. I don't judge people for the actions taken based on such feelings. I only hope you find something better, sooner rather than later.

If you ever need to talk you can PM me, Ruby too, she's pretty cool.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
Big Grin
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03-04-2017, 05:39 AM
RE: not dealing with things so well
I think you need a different therapist and maybe more space from your parents.

Your therapist may be violating her professional code of conduct by discussing you with your mother--it depends on whether you've given her permission to do so. At the least, it sounds as though you feel betrayed and ignored enough that you can't trust her enough to work together. If you don't want her to talk to your mother, tell her so and explicitly withdraw your permission. If she refuses, ask for a referral to a different provider. Or, if you are reluctant to do something as direct as that, contact whatever group regulates her, explain why this situation is uncomfortable for you, and ask for a referral.

If you're still living at home with your parents, I hope you can find a way to move out on your own soon. Paying your own bills and taking care of yourself is empowering, and it may keep you busy enough to get your parents off your mind.
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03-04-2017, 08:57 AM
RE: not dealing with things so well
What you are describing sound like symptoms of depression, to me. I'm not saying you are dealing with depression, but I think you need to see a doctor who will actually help you.

You can tell your mom that depression doesn't necessarily exist because you had a bad childhood or because of some terrible event in your life. It can exist simply as a chemical imbalance in the brain. But ignoring can be fatal at its worst, but make life miserable at its best. It doesn't mean you're simply sad over something, or that you're unhappy with your childhood or your parents or anything. But it does sap your strength over time. It inhibits your motivation. It makes you tired. It makes you feel like doing anything is pointless. It convinces you that no one really even cares, or that you're worthless, or that you don't deserve good things in life, and that you certainly don't deserve to get better. That sounds like depression talking. But you should definitely push for another therapist or even better- a psychiatrist (at least in the US, therapists can't necessarily write prescriptions, and you might need an anti-depressant for a bit). Or even just a visit to a general practitioner who can refer you to a particular doctor and maybe get you started on some medication that can help.

In any case- don't listen to the inner voice telling you that you don't deserve help and that you don't deserve good things. That voice is lying to you. You deserve great things. You can and should get better. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy. Hug
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03-04-2017, 09:07 AM
RE: not dealing with things so well
(03-04-2017 05:39 AM)julep Wrote:  I think you need a different therapist and maybe more space from your parents.

Your therapist may be violating her professional code of conduct by discussing you with your mother--it depends on whether you've given her permission to do so. At the least, it sounds as though you feel betrayed and ignored enough that you can't trust her enough to work together. If you don't want her to talk to your mother, tell her so and explicitly withdraw your permission. If she refuses, ask for a referral to a different provider. Or, if you are reluctant to do something as direct as that, contact whatever group regulates her, explain why this situation is uncomfortable for you, and ask for a referral.

If you're still living at home with your parents, I hope you can find a way to move out on your own soon. Paying your own bills and taking care of yourself is empowering, and it may keep you busy enough to get your parents off your mind.

My wife had this happen- when she was a teenager and needed therapy, her mom accompanied her and talked to the therapist and laid the groundwork with things like, "She's over-dramatic," and other similar things so that the therapist was already prepped to not listen to her. My wife dealt with depression and emotional abuse from her mother as she was growing up, and she didn't get the help she deserved. Her mom is a narcissist (unprofessional opinion) and they think the depression is all about them and not about the person suffering it.

Don't let that happen to you. I'm not saying your parents are doing those things, or that your parents are narcissists, I'm just saying don't let them negatively impact the help you deserve to get.
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03-04-2017, 09:21 AM
RE: not dealing with things so well
Clearly whatever your crrent therapist is doing isn't working. Do you think you could convince your mum to let you get a second opinion (if your situation doesn't allow you choose to do so on your own). Alternatively, could you try speaking to your doctor and ask them to refer you to someone else?

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03-04-2017, 10:56 AM
RE: not dealing with things so well
(03-04-2017 08:57 AM)Emma Wrote:  What you are describing sound like symptoms of depression, to me. I'm not saying you are dealing with depression, but I think you need to see a doctor who will actually help you.

You can tell your mom that depression doesn't necessarily exist because you had a bad childhood or because of some terrible event in your life. It can exist simply as a chemical imbalance in the brain. But ignoring can be fatal at its worst, but make life miserable at its best. It doesn't mean you're simply sad over something, or that you're unhappy with your childhood or your parents or anything. But it does sap your strength over time. It inhibits your motivation. It makes you tired. It makes you feel like doing anything is pointless. It convinces you that no one really even cares, or that you're worthless, or that you don't deserve good things in life, and that you certainly don't deserve to get better. That sounds like depression talking. But you should definitely push for another therapist or even better- a psychiatrist (at least in the US, therapists can't necessarily write prescriptions, and you might need an anti-depressant for a bit). Or even just a visit to a general practitioner who can refer you to a particular doctor and maybe get you started on some medication that can help.

In any case- don't listen to the inner voice telling you that you don't deserve help and that you don't deserve good things. That voice is lying to you. You deserve great things. You can and should get better. You deserve it. You deserve to be happy. Hug

^^^^ALL OF THAT^^^^.

Get to a mental health clinic and find your own private therapist. I don't know your age but independence from the parents needs to be established.

It is not professional for a therapist to discuss anything with anyone's relatives. It is also flat out wrong for a therapist to dismiss the symptoms and concerns of a client.

Do not let this situation fester. Take the first step and you will begin to feel more in control. Shy
First step: get to a mental health clinic and find your own private therapist - today.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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03-04-2017, 12:08 PM
RE: not dealing with things so well
Since I've only just returned to the forum after a lengthy layoff, I went back to your intro thread for a possible age reference, Seagull.

I found you've possibly just turned or are about to turn 21 - it's good to know this. Also, you seem to have quite a lot on your plate at this time with college classes, etc.,. This can have an extreme effect on your mental state and your overall physical health, as well.

So still - get your own new, private therapist - you really need a new set of eyes to examine your situation.

Now ... Offtopic
I must say, it is encouraging and refreshing to meet such an intelligent and levelheaded 21 year old! I thoroughly enjoyed reading about your knowledge of moth larva and silk. I'm fascinated that you have bred a variety of silk worm larva yourself!

I'm glad I went back to your intro - now I can properly say here: Welcome to the forum! Smile

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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