off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
31-12-2013, 05:06 PM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
(31-12-2013 04:57 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  God DAMNIT. My gf just texted me telling me she had to tell me something. I asked if it was bad, she replied 'yea'. She is currently on her period, but I still was SCARED that somehow she was going to tell me she was pregnant.

So I called her up 10 minutes ago...... She got fired from her job today, completely unexpectedly. She asked several times, but they gave her no reasons.

This. Effing. Sucks. I feel so bad for her. On top of that it is our last day together. This is the type of thing that has stopped me from being able to split from her before. This time, I won't be there for her. Sad

That sucks dude, I hope she finds a new job soon

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.” ― Richard Pryor
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-12-2013, 05:15 PM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Never rains but it pours huh ? Eish...

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-12-2013, 05:53 PM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Aw man!! You both gotta hang in there though. I know you'll both get thru to the other side of this, it just isn't going to be fun in the mean time Confused Hug
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-12-2013, 07:55 PM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Thanks Emily.

this song came on the radio as I was getting ready to leave. It fits...perfectly.



I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-01-2014, 02:56 AM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Well. The night is over. I'm taxed, I don't have much to say. Do you ever feel like you are in a neutral/negative mood where nothing sounds enjoyable whatsoever? No food, no activities, no media, no games, no conversation I don't even feel like I could sleep.

a short summary...dinner at Azteca, Hunger Games in theaters, an hour of talking at her place...then watching the Space Needle new years countdown on the news...holding each other and crying...saying so many sweet things to each other..I'm not even going to try to write them all down.

Before I left I was holding her in front of the door. One of the last things she said to me was, "I will always love you."

I hate that I'm making her feel this way.

Happy New Year everybody. To new beginnings. Thank you for reading any of this if you did. It really does help for me to share this, and I appreciate almost every comment you guys have made.

I'm officially single. Sadcryface

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-01-2014, 07:40 AM (This post was last modified: 01-01-2014 08:10 AM by Cathym112.)
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Ok man. I want to first start out by telling you I'm sorry you are hurting. Breaking up is hard. Always. Sending you a virtual hug.

Now it's time to be kind to yourself and not to do things that are self destructive. This includes drinking, smoking, overeating, drugs, and having. Any. Contact. With. Her.

Because this is your first "real relationship" than this is your first "real breakup".

You need - for now - to consider that she is dead and grieve appropriately. If you truly don't want to waste her time, then do not string her along when you have second thoughts or lonely nights. It's not doing you or her any favors if you contact her, or answer her calls.

You must understand one thing. She can't be your friend anymore. Not for at least 6 months.
Not two weeks, not a month...at least 6!

Unless you both have seen this coming for years, and gradually drifted apart over the years and the breakup was purely mutual it might be only 3 months of radio silence.

Your OP doesn't indicate this. She is completely in love with you as you said. So don't hurt her anymore by allowing her and yourself to indulge in weak moments. You are her drug and she's in rehab. Do not enable her or yourself by doing "drugs."

Think of it this way:
You just won the pain lottery. Now you can take it in one lump sum, or you can spread it out over yearly installments. Me personally, I prefer it in one lump sum.

It will get better. Allow yourself to cry, invite the hurt and the loneliness in. Let the pain pull you like a riptide. When you swim parallel with the riptide, you use up less energy fighting against it and get back to shore quicker.

This part will wound insensitive, but it's not my intention, it's just something you need to hear. You are not as important as you think you are. You are not intregral to her survival. You will survive without her. She will survive without you. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but she got along just fine before you and she will again after you.

In my experience, Relationships are 10% compatibility, 10% chance or luck, and 80% timing. If the timing isn't right for you, then you are right to trust your instincts.

By being her "friend" whom she is in love with, you are the security blanket that prevents her from meeting new people because she is holding out hope for a reconciliation.

I recommend the book It's called a breakup because it's broken. It's for women, but just change the pronouns.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Cathym112's post
01-01-2014, 09:22 AM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Excellent post, Cathym.

I completely agree with you.

And Adrianime, lots of hugs. Just cry it out and wallow in sorrow for a while. Try to do some normal things even if you're feeling numb. Healing takes time. Let us know how you're doing.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-01-2014, 02:39 PM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
(31-12-2013 10:34 AM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(31-12-2013 06:36 AM)BlackMason Wrote:  Don't you think you're creating an ideal fantasy here? This girl and you have a pretty cool relationship. I think the whole finding yourself thing is pretty over rated. What does it even mean? What are you expecting to find? How will you know when you've found yourself? Have you considered that you may not find another chick that's ride or die like your current one? Talk me through this decision process please. I wanna know more.
A short answer is that I care about my current girlfriend greatly, but she does not line up with the life I want for myself. For one, she and I have nearly no common interests. Everything I really like to do, she refuses to do with me. Most things she wants to do aren't particularly interesting/enjoyable to me and usually cost a bunch of money and she always expects me to pay (she doesn't have any disposable income, but also feels men should pay in most cases). As a result, we usually end up just watching old movies on Netflix (she hates sci fi and action movies, and refuses to watch them, so it is pretty hard finding something new that we both want to watch).

That's just one example, there are other things, but I am not in the mood to have you guys judge my reasons for not wanting to commit my life to her. It's my life, and I feel like I want more than what I have now, that's all.

Another problem is I'm not in love with her. I've been in love with a different girl before, and I have not reached that level with my current gf...after almost 3 years.

Now I get ya. By all means get what you want. Don't settle. It wouldn't be fair on either of you.

8000 years before Jesus, the Egyptian god Horus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-01-2014, 10:49 PM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Relationships are so personal and unique that I can't speak for yours. I can tell you about me though.

When I met the love of my life, my wife, I knew within 24 hours that I would love her forever. I didn't require explanation, only recognition. There wasn't any doubt. Deep down I knew.

Our love was so instantaneous, so effortless, that it felt more like a quiet dream than an actual event.

When I was dating other women, it was so much work. Working out, spending money, trying to say the right thing, trying to be the right person. It was all so exhausting. At the end of each night, I felt like I had nothing lasting to show for it. The more I tried, the more depressing it all got. Eventually, I didn't have the stomach for it anymore.

Then I met her by accident. We never dated. We just began our relationship one night. We fell in love. I feel the same love course through me every night when I hold her in my arms. I will never go back. I can't imagine how my life would have gone without her. Screw that.

Love for me was effortless and wonderful. If I could do it all over again, that is what I would look for.

Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness.

-Karl Marx
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dark Phoenix's post
02-01-2014, 12:03 AM
RE: off topic..breaking up with my best friend.
Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice Cathym, and your perspective Dark Phoenix. Effortless is definitely something to shoot for.

A side story from this has erupted, if anybody is interested. I wrote a short mass email to friends and family telling them about the breakup. I specifically asked nobody to text or call me asking about it...but my big bro texted me and disrespected the crap out of me for writing the Email (from my perspective).

disclaimer, it is pretty long.

http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...k-up-email

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: