off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
02-01-2014, 02:41 AM (This post was last modified: 02-01-2014 02:55 AM by Adrianime.)
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(02-01-2014 02:18 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Ummm..... O.o (this was my face for pretty much the whole post)
I don't know you brother, so I can't be sure, but it seems likely that he may have been drunk for this conversation. Also, he kind of seems like a sexist...
Thanks for reading L&I. Yeah he has some rigid gender roles in his mind of how men and women "should be". He has in the past had a couple of facebook posts that were picture/quotes like "a real man provides for his family" "a real man hugs his woman, not hits her." And a bunch of other stuff. Most of it is true, but it really should say "a decent human being should..." I try to hold men and women equally accountable in behavior, intellect, rationality, and personal responsibility. Obviously that isn't a universally shared view, haha.

I usually don't argue with anybody in my family because everybody in my family is extremely opinionated. Some members of my family can accept differing opinions, and then some get pissed off when they hear different opinions. He is the latter type. But today I wasn't in the mood to be talked down to. So I didn't run away, and just was honest. *sigh*

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-01-2014, 02:49 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(02-01-2014 02:10 AM)Logisch Wrote:  I don't feel it's really necessary to broadcast to my family about an event like that. Hell, even when I divorced my ex wife, I didn't bother with anything like that. I sat down with a handful of people that I cared about and let them know what was up and the rest was history.

On the flip side to that, your brother needs to calm the hell down. I'm one of those people that feels like family is not blood, but the people who treat you with respect that have a relationship that can go both ways. Safe to say if he were my brother, we wouldn't be in contact. I have no patience for people that call me names and treat me like shit, especially "family" - but I suppose your relationship with him is what it is and you have your reasons.

If it were me I'd probably put him on ignore for a few days so he can calm the hell down. Handle things the way you handle them, and if it doesn't go as planned, adapt and learn from your experience and move on.
Thanks for your thoughts man. I've gone through approximately 6 years of secret relationships and breakups that I hid from my family, so believe me I know the mindset of feeling like my love life is nobody else's business. I just want to be closer to everyone so I'm trying to be more open. Honestly though, it was mostly for me because almost everytime I see ANYBODY the first thing they ask is "how/where is [ex gf name]?" And having to go through that 20X would have been annoying as hell. Even worse for me would be for the news to be spread by the rumor mill.

Note, I'm not arguing with you, just explaining my position Smile. I really do appreciate hearing what you have to say.

(02-01-2014 02:23 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Yes, I am all for the *ex and I broke up please don't make a fool out of yourself and ask where she is next time I see you* email. It is really awkward if no one lets you know and then you feel like a jerk about bringing it up.

Anyways, I am sorry your brother is acting like this and I hope you have other people (like us Big Grin) who can be there for you while you're going through a hard time.
Hug
Thank you! You and I are agreeing on many things this week Tongue haha Hug

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Adrianime's post
02-01-2014, 08:53 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
I don't get why he's so angry... Is there something we're missing?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-01-2014, 09:11 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Did you get a bad response from anyone else? If not, I would say it's your brother's problem not yours.

I’m not anti-social. I’m pro-solitude. ~Author Unknown
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Anjele's post
02-01-2014, 09:15 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
I would also have appreciated the email in regards to a loved ones long term relationship. My cousin sent out an email to us regarding her divorce. It was a great way to kill the awkwardness before the next family get together and also gave those of us to send her a quick note that we were there supporting her. I really think she was surprised at the outpouring of love and support. (That, and none of us liked him. He was an ass.)

He also seems drunk or high. I've had similar text conversations with someone who fried his brain on drugs in the past.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-01-2014, 10:43 AM (This post was last modified: 02-01-2014 12:11 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Thanks for the responses guys.

(02-01-2014 08:53 AM)Colourcraze Wrote:  I don't get why he's so angry... Is there something we're missing?
Nope, you did not miss anything. I didn't fully get it either. I'm thinking it was when I compared him to my dad that he snapped, because he absolutely hates my dad. But he effing compared me to him first, and my dad (growing up) was NOT kind or passive. He was aggressive as hell, commonly kicked out of places or had legal action taken against him when he disagreed with people. (Our family was banned from the House of pancakes when I was 5 or 6 because my dad got pissed and made a scene when they stopped making substitutions.)

(02-01-2014 09:11 AM)Anjele Wrote:  Did you get a bad response from anyone else? If not, I would say it's your brother's problem not yours.
Nobody else responded except for one older sister said, "Happy new year! I'm not trying to start a conversation, just saying Happy New Year." Another friend sent me happy new year. I also texted several friends (whose emails I didn't have) of the breakup and a few consoled me and said they were there for me if I need anything.

(02-01-2014 09:15 AM)aquaquilter Wrote:  I would also have appreciated the email in regards to a loved ones long term relationship. My cousin sent out an email to us regarding her divorce. It was a great way to kill the awkwardness before the next family get together and also gave those of us to send her a quick note that we were there supporting her. I really think she was surprised at the outpouring of love and support. (That, and none of us liked him. He was an ass.)

He also seems drunk or high. I've had similar text conversations with someone who fried his brain on drugs in the past.
You understand Smile. I dunno his state of mind. He's 10 years older than me, I don't keep tabs on his habits.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-01-2014, 10:53 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Dude, I know it's the support section and all, but it gotta say it.....your brother is a Grade A Dick.

99% of the bullshit he texted you was completely unnecessary, even if he DID have a valid point (which I don,t think he has). I firmly believe (hee hee) that there are some people who just need a good ass-kicking. Your brother easily falls into the category of "needy".

Keep the peace if you must, but don't seek guidance or advice from this asshole. He thinks that his ten years he has on you gives him some sort of experience, just because he's put in more time. That is NOT the case. Time does not equal experience, and experience does not equal knowledge. And this guy knows diddly fuck all.

Not very supportive, I know. But you're a nice guy Adrian, and I hate to see a nice guy hurt by the words of an insignificant dick-head.

You have just begun reading the sentence you have just finished reading.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Stark Raving's post
02-01-2014, 12:36 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(02-01-2014 10:53 AM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Dude, I know it's the support section and all, but it gotta say it.....your brother is a Grade A Dick.

99% of the bullshit he texted you was completely unnecessary, even if he DID have a valid point (which I don,t think he has). I firmly believe (hee hee) that there are some people who just need a good ass-kicking. Your brother easily falls into the category of "needy".

Keep the peace if you must, but don't seek guidance or advice from this asshole. He thinks that his ten years he has on you gives him some sort of experience, just because he's put in more time. That is NOT the case. Time does not equal experience, and experience does not equal knowledge. And this guy knows diddly fuck all.

Not very supportive, I know. But you're a nice guy Adrian, and I hate to see a nice guy hurt by the words of an insignificant dick-head.

Yeah, what Stark said...

...and older doesn't always mean smarter or wiser.

I’m not anti-social. I’m pro-solitude. ~Author Unknown
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-01-2014, 02:20 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Ok, what is his obsession with assuming that women act a certain way? Good god! I mean, the last time I heard someone tell me that I play golf like a girl, I outdrove them by 50 yards. Suck on that!

Further - he seems to imply that men are coldhearted sex machines. only looking for "hot women" and you are a "loser cuz you blew it with the hot girls I introduced you to.." (I'm paraphrasing). I mean, I guess he is right. Men only like to drink beer, pick their ass and their boogers with the same finger, eat meat directly off the cow carcass, drive big 4 wheel trucks with stickers of Calvin peeing on something, smoke cigars, scratch their balls in perfect synchronization to "We will we will rock you. Boom Boom tish." Scratch Scratch Tish. Bite their nails directly off their toes and spit it across the room, burp the alphabet and never never cry. Not even when their mother dies. Anyone else who says differently is a "girl"

He was trying to "help" but there was nothing but harm. How sad for him that he would somehow feel affected by how you handle a breakup. That is the definition of someone who has no life. in fact, the way he is "tuning in" to your relationship breakup, is the same way one of his hated girls might tune into the Days of Our Lives. You should tell him that next time. "Dude. I know you can't watch the Days of Our Lives again until tomorrow but my life isn't a substitute for your drama addiction. We can talk after you've gotten your fix from the Oxygen Network."

As my advice for defusing the situation, I found that when you deal with toxic people who are all about attacking you, its easiest to deflect the statements by making observations and asking a question. A trick I learned from my mom who is a psychiatrist. I'll use your words to demonstrate:


A. You telling people that your way is the only correct way makes you sound like dad man. anyways this is already one of the worst days of my life, it isnt about you, im sorry.

D. Ummm. Wow. Ok. No emotional difference? It's proven science. Dude you are kinda scarring me. THis is what happens when you start dating this late
D. Whatever dude act like a girl. You actin like dad. He is a coward just like you
D. Act like a bi*** all you want. But don't think I'm gonna be cool with it.
D. I never said "my way". I said what you did was wrong. You shouldn't have done that
A. My way was right for me. mow i dont have to reetell everybody 20 times


here is how it can be deflected.

A. You telling people that your way is the only correct way makes you sound like dad man. anyways this is already one of the worst days of my life, it isnt about you, im sorry.

D. Ummm. Wow. Ok. No emotional difference? It's proven science. Dude you are kinda scarring me. THis is what happens when you start dating this late
D. Whatever dude act like a girl. You actin like dad. He is a coward just like you
D. Act like a bi*** all you want. But don't think I'm gonna be cool with it.
D. I never said "my way". I said what you did was wrong. You shouldn't have done that.

A. I notice that you seem to be disproportionately upset by this email I sent. (calling me a bitch, and seem disappointed that I didn't start dating earlier) as if you have some kind of personal stake in my love life (or lack thereof). Whats going on?

By asking them a question like, "why are you saying hurtful things?" it throws them off the offensive without causing them to get defensive. When you say, "dude. Stop insulting me." Then they get defensive and the fight continues. This at least gives them a 10 second pause to reflect on their own behavior.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Cathym112's post
02-01-2014, 05:35 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Holy.... Crap!!! Shocking Can I give you an award for most patient person in the world? I would have lost it on this guy!

Toward the end of your conversation he chastises you for not calmly asking for his opinion on the matter after he initially contacted you... But who in their right mind expects to get a positive response from the opening text he sent you?

L&I was right about the sexist thing.... I think we can all see what he thinks of women No

Bravo on handling that with tact and patience. Also I totally agree that sending the email was a good idea. I'd hate to be blindsided by something like that, you know? I mean, technically it's not my business, but I'd like to not make a fool out of myself (as others have pointed out)
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Smercury44's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: