off topic...bro text argument over break up email
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02-01-2014, 10:29 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(02-01-2014 10:53 AM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Dude, I know it's the support section and all, but it gotta say it.....your brother is a Grade A Dick.

99% of the bullshit he texted you was completely unnecessary, even if he DID have a valid point (which I don,t think he has). I firmly believe (hee hee) that there are some people who just need a good ass-kicking. Your brother easily falls into the category of "needy".

Keep the peace if you must, but don't seek guidance or advice from this asshole. He thinks that his ten years he has on you gives him some sort of experience, just because he's put in more time. That is NOT the case. Time does not equal experience, and experience does not equal knowledge. And this guy knows diddly fuck all.

Not very supportive, I know. But you're a nice guy Adrian, and I hate to see a nice guy hurt by the words of an insignificant dick-head.
Haha, well thanks a lot man. My whole family is a fragile mess and I'm trying as best I can to not lose any of them. I have and will NEVER ask for emotional advice/comfort from anybody in my family. I do ask them for advice on other things from time to time, such as real estate or job issues. This is the second or third time he has said something along the lines of, "you don't know these things yet." Which would work great if I was in highschool. But I've been through 4 years of away from home college living, and have almost 4 years of work under my belt. I HATE the idea of giving up my "child at heart"ness, but damnit, don't treat me like an idiot who doesn't have valid views or opinions.

(02-01-2014 12:36 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Yeah, what Stark said...

...and older doesn't always mean smarter or wiser.
I learned that relatively late unfortunately, probably senior year of HS.

(02-01-2014 02:20 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  Ok, what is his obsession with assuming that women act a certain way? Good god! I mean, the last time I heard someone tell me that I play golf like a girl, I outdrove them by 50 yards. Suck on that!

Further - he seems to imply that men are coldhearted sex machines. only looking for "hot women" and you are a "loser cuz you blew it with the hot girls I introduced you to.." (I'm paraphrasing). I mean, I guess he is right. Men only like to drink beer, pick their ass and their boogers with the same finger, eat meat directly off the cow carcass, drive big 4 wheel trucks with stickers of Calvin peeing on something, smoke cigars, scratch their balls in perfect synchronization to "We will we will rock you. Boom Boom tish." Scratch Scratch Tish. Bite their nails directly off their toes and spit it across the room, burp the alphabet and never never cry. Not even when their mother dies. Anyone else who says differently is a "girl"

He was trying to "help" but there was nothing but harm. How sad for him that he would somehow feel affected by how you handle a breakup. That is the definition of someone who has no life. in fact, the way he is "tuning in" to your relationship breakup, is the same way one of his hated girls might tune into the Days of Our Lives. You should tell him that next time. "Dude. I know you can't watch the Days of Our Lives again until tomorrow but my life isn't a substitute for your drama addiction. We can talk after you've gotten your fix from the Oxygen Network."

As my advice for defusing the situation, I found that when you deal with toxic people who are all about attacking you, its easiest to deflect the statements by making observations and asking a question. A trick I learned from my mom who is a psychiatrist. I'll use your words to demonstrate:


A. You telling people that your way is the only correct way makes you sound like dad man. anyways this is already one of the worst days of my life, it isnt about you, im sorry.

D. Ummm. Wow. Ok. No emotional difference? It's proven science. Dude you are kinda scarring me. THis is what happens when you start dating this late
D. Whatever dude act like a girl. You actin like dad. He is a coward just like you
D. Act like a bi*** all you want. But don't think I'm gonna be cool with it.
D. I never said "my way". I said what you did was wrong. You shouldn't have done that
A. My way was right for me. mow i dont have to reetell everybody 20 times


here is how it can be deflected.

A. You telling people that your way is the only correct way makes you sound like dad man. anyways this is already one of the worst days of my life, it isnt about you, im sorry.

D. Ummm. Wow. Ok. No emotional difference? It's proven science. Dude you are kinda scarring me. THis is what happens when you start dating this late
D. Whatever dude act like a girl. You actin like dad. He is a coward just like you
D. Act like a bi*** all you want. But don't think I'm gonna be cool with it.
D. I never said "my way". I said what you did was wrong. You shouldn't have done that.

A. I notice that you seem to be disproportionately upset by this email I sent. (calling me a bitch, and seem disappointed that I didn't start dating earlier) as if you have some kind of personal stake in my love life (or lack thereof). Whats going on?

By asking them a question like, "why are you saying hurtful things?" it throws them off the offensive without causing them to get defensive. When you say, "dude. Stop insulting me." Then they get defensive and the fight continues. This at least gives them a 10 second pause to reflect on their own behavior.
Yeah I don't get the girl thing either. Thanks for the diffusing stuff...I was kind of trying that. I was trying to ask him honest questions regarding my feelings at the end, but then he just pissed all over it and insulted me. The thing is, I forgive him. Of course I won't just stand around and be insulted, but I'm not going to hold it against him and cut him out of my life. But the stupid thing is, I have a strong feeling he won't forgive me (for whatever the hell I did). I've never experienced his anger pointed towards me, so I have no idea what to expect.

(02-01-2014 05:35 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Holy.... Crap!!! Shocking Can I give you an award for most patient person in the world? I would have lost it on this guy!

Toward the end of your conversation he chastises you for not calmly asking for his opinion on the matter after he initially contacted you... But who in their right mind expects to get a positive response from the opening text he sent you?

L&I was right about the sexist thing.... I think we can all see what he thinks of women No

Bravo on handling that with tact and patience. Also I totally agree that sending the email was a good idea. I'd hate to be blindsided by something like that, you know? I mean, technically it's not my business, but I'd like to not make a fool out of myself (as others have pointed out)
Thanks Emily. Actually I have been called the most patient person in the world before Angel Tongue haha.

But yeah, honestly the first text hit a cord. I already did not want to have any text conversations, I'm already sad as hell over my break up, and I get this text where he tells me I was wrong for the stupidest little thing, how I "should have known the man thing to do", and then he passes it off in a disrespectful way and laughs "lol good luck with that." I was far from the mood from handling him with child gloves so I just responded bluntly. Usually I probably would say, "haha, nah man I think I did fine, maybe next time" or something. But I mean I was in a terrible effing mood.

Throughout the whole convo I was much more blunt and forward than I usually am with him, but I still think that I was at least 10x more respectful than he was towards me. I partly posted this because I was wondering if maybe he was right and maybe I did come off like a dick. But even if I did, I think my dickishness was warranted by my situation and his condescending message Tongue.

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02-01-2014, 10:59 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(02-01-2014 10:29 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(02-01-2014 10:53 AM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Dude, I know it's the support section and all, but it gotta say it.....your brother is a Grade A Dick.

99% of the bullshit he texted you was completely unnecessary, even if he DID have a valid point (which I don,t think he has). I firmly believe (hee hee) that there are some people who just need a good ass-kicking. Your brother easily falls into the category of "needy".

Keep the peace if you must, but don't seek guidance or advice from this asshole. He thinks that his ten years he has on you gives him some sort of experience, just because he's put in more time. That is NOT the case. Time does not equal experience, and experience does not equal knowledge. And this guy knows diddly fuck all.

Not very supportive, I know. But you're a nice guy Adrian, and I hate to see a nice guy hurt by the words of an insignificant dick-head.
Haha, well thanks a lot man. My whole family is a fragile mess and I'm trying as best I can to not lose any of them. I have and will NEVER ask for emotional advice/comfort from anybody in my family. I do ask them for advice on other things from time to time, such as real estate or job issues. This is the second or third time he has said something along the lines of, "you don't know these things yet." Which would work great if I was in highschool. But I've been through 4 years of away from home college living, and have almost 4 years of work under my belt. I HATE the idea of giving up my "child at heart"ness, but damnit, don't treat me like an idiot who doesn't have valid views or opinions.

(02-01-2014 12:36 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Yeah, what Stark said...

...and older doesn't always mean smarter or wiser.
I learned that relatively late unfortunately, probably senior year of HS.

(02-01-2014 02:20 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  Ok, what is his obsession with assuming that women act a certain way? Good god! I mean, the last time I heard someone tell me that I play golf like a girl, I outdrove them by 50 yards. Suck on that!

Further - he seems to imply that men are coldhearted sex machines. only looking for "hot women" and you are a "loser cuz you blew it with the hot girls I introduced you to.." (I'm paraphrasing). I mean, I guess he is right. Men only like to drink beer, pick their ass and their boogers with the same finger, eat meat directly off the cow carcass, drive big 4 wheel trucks with stickers of Calvin peeing on something, smoke cigars, scratch their balls in perfect synchronization to "We will we will rock you. Boom Boom tish." Scratch Scratch Tish. Bite their nails directly off their toes and spit it across the room, burp the alphabet and never never cry. Not even when their mother dies. Anyone else who says differently is a "girl"

He was trying to "help" but there was nothing but harm. How sad for him that he would somehow feel affected by how you handle a breakup. That is the definition of someone who has no life. in fact, the way he is "tuning in" to your relationship breakup, is the same way one of his hated girls might tune into the Days of Our Lives. You should tell him that next time. "Dude. I know you can't watch the Days of Our Lives again until tomorrow but my life isn't a substitute for your drama addiction. We can talk after you've gotten your fix from the Oxygen Network."

As my advice for defusing the situation, I found that when you deal with toxic people who are all about attacking you, its easiest to deflect the statements by making observations and asking a question. A trick I learned from my mom who is a psychiatrist. I'll use your words to demonstrate:


A. You telling people that your way is the only correct way makes you sound like dad man. anyways this is already one of the worst days of my life, it isnt about you, im sorry.

D. Ummm. Wow. Ok. No emotional difference? It's proven science. Dude you are kinda scarring me. THis is what happens when you start dating this late
D. Whatever dude act like a girl. You actin like dad. He is a coward just like you
D. Act like a bi*** all you want. But don't think I'm gonna be cool with it.
D. I never said "my way". I said what you did was wrong. You shouldn't have done that
A. My way was right for me. mow i dont have to reetell everybody 20 times


here is how it can be deflected.

A. You telling people that your way is the only correct way makes you sound like dad man. anyways this is already one of the worst days of my life, it isnt about you, im sorry.

D. Ummm. Wow. Ok. No emotional difference? It's proven science. Dude you are kinda scarring me. THis is what happens when you start dating this late
D. Whatever dude act like a girl. You actin like dad. He is a coward just like you
D. Act like a bi*** all you want. But don't think I'm gonna be cool with it.
D. I never said "my way". I said what you did was wrong. You shouldn't have done that.

A. I notice that you seem to be disproportionately upset by this email I sent. (calling me a bitch, and seem disappointed that I didn't start dating earlier) as if you have some kind of personal stake in my love life (or lack thereof). Whats going on?

By asking them a question like, "why are you saying hurtful things?" it throws them off the offensive without causing them to get defensive. When you say, "dude. Stop insulting me." Then they get defensive and the fight continues. This at least gives them a 10 second pause to reflect on their own behavior.
Yeah I don't get the girl thing either. Thanks for the diffusing stuff...I was kind of trying that. I was trying to ask him honest questions regarding my feelings at the end, but then he just pissed all over it and insulted me. The thing is, I forgive him. Of course I won't just stand around and be insulted, but I'm not going to hold it against him and cut him out of my life. But the stupid thing is, I have a strong feeling he won't forgive me (for whatever the hell I did). I've never experienced his anger pointed towards me, so I have no idea what to expect.

(02-01-2014 05:35 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Holy.... Crap!!! Shocking Can I give you an award for most patient person in the world? I would have lost it on this guy!

Toward the end of your conversation he chastises you for not calmly asking for his opinion on the matter after he initially contacted you... But who in their right mind expects to get a positive response from the opening text he sent you?

L&I was right about the sexist thing.... I think we can all see what he thinks of women No

Bravo on handling that with tact and patience. Also I totally agree that sending the email was a good idea. I'd hate to be blindsided by something like that, you know? I mean, technically it's not my business, but I'd like to not make a fool out of myself (as others have pointed out)
Thanks Emily. Actually I have been called the most patient person in the world before Angel Tongue haha.

But yeah, honestly the first text hit a cord. I already did not want to have any text conversations, I'm already sad as hell over my break up, and I get this text where he tells me I was wrong for the stupidest little thing, how I "should have known the man thing to do", and then he passes it off in a disrespectful way and laughs "lol good luck with that." I was far from the mood from handling him with child gloves so I just responded bluntly. Usually I probably would say, "haha, nah man I think I did fine, maybe next time" or something. But I mean I was in a terrible effing mood.

Throughout the whole convo I was much more blunt and forward than I usually am with him, but I still think that I was at least 10x more respectful than he was towards me. I partly posted this because I was wondering if maybe he was right and maybe I did come off like a dick. But even if I did, I think my dickishness was warranted by my situation and his condescending message Tongue.

For being in a terrible mood and possible "dickishness" you were a lot nicer than I would have been even in a great mood!
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02-01-2014, 11:02 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(02-01-2014 10:59 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  For being in a terrible mood and possible "dickishness" you were a lot nicer than I would have been even in a great mood!

I know right?!?!?!? Laugh out load
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02-01-2014, 11:29 PM (This post was last modified: 02-01-2014 11:34 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Oh you two...haha.

Btw, I'm going to my mom's on Saturday because the IRS is trying to jack me for some money I don't owe from this child support account my mom cashed out (at a loss) and gave to me at the beginning of 2012.

My bro said...
D. Wrote:D. No need for you to take the gift I took the time to get you. Just leave it at moms bi***boy

Do you all think I should take the Christmas present he left for me at my mom's? Or not? My feeling kind of is, once it is given, no takeseys backseys, no?

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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02-01-2014, 11:37 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(02-01-2014 11:29 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  Oh you two...haha.

Btw, I'm going to my mom's on Saturday because the IRS is trying to jack me for some money I don't owe from this child support account my mom cashed out (at a loss) and gave to me at the beginning of 2012.

My bro said...
D. Wrote:D. No need for you to take the gift I took the time to get you. Just leave it at moms bi***boy

Do you all think I should take the Christmas present he left for me at my mom's? Or not? My feeling kind of is, once it is given, no takeseys backseys, no?

Lol. I don't why this cracks me up. You should open and see what it is first lol. If you really like it keep it and if not then haphazardly tape the wrapping paper back on and leave it there. Haha
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10-01-2014, 10:12 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
So my brother contacted me this morning for the first time since what you saw in the OP. Just a post on facebook. It probably will sound "mean" to you guys, but it's just his regular "big bro" messing around from my pov. IOW, it's playful, not meant as an attack (I think). But here is the post:
-----------------------------------------------
No reason, just felt like it.





---
response 1: My Sister E: Nineties!
response 2: My Brother D: theres a song you hear tons of dudes listening too. but not really
response 3: Me: haha yup, cuz it's tight!
---

Hopefully things will return to normal.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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10-01-2014, 10:28 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
I love that song!

I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!
Nathaniel Hawthorne
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10-01-2014, 10:31 AM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
I started randomly singing it yesterday, so I put it on my FB haha.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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14-01-2014, 03:05 PM (This post was last modified: 14-01-2014 05:04 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Well, stay tuned folks, chapter two of this wild tale will be available tonight......i will try to make it post 41 so it will be at the top of page 5. It will be pretty long, and i have to transcribe it and format it again.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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14-01-2014, 05:03 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Thanks to anybody who has read or will read this.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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