off topic...bro text argument over break up email
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15-01-2014, 12:57 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
You brother is a bully, plain and simple.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-01-2014, 02:52 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(15-01-2014 12:15 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  He has multitudes of issues but it sounded to me that (his version) he spent much of your childhood sticking up for you and that was his way of showing his love for you.

Maybe if you just send a short acknowledgement of that he will back off and maybe chill out. It sounds like he wants credit for doing something good and you are denying him that.

Maybe something along the lines of "i've been thinking about what you said, and just want to say thank you for those times you stuck up for me in the past, I appreciate it."
I honestly don't know much about what he has done. He is 10 years older than me so he was out of the house by the time I was 10ish. But until then we shared a room. After that I didn't see him more than a few times a year, sometimes I didn't see him at all in a year.

I'm considering what you said though, just for the sake of clarity. Because I do appreciate anything he has done, he may think I don't.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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15-01-2014, 03:29 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
If you feel inclined, contact the non-sibling family member. It might be a similar MO. You want to understand the full extent of what's going on, you might as well start talking to someone who's had to take steps to ensure their own safety.

At this point, I suggest to cease contact with your brother. The texts were emotional and psychological abuse. No matter if it's your brother, you do not deserve to get the shit kicked out of you. Physical violence solves nothing. Letting it happen solves nothing. Standing up for yourself if you're attacked is the thing to do. He was abused as a kid and now he's taking it out on you. The abused becoming the abuser. It's not tough love, it's not even love. It's your brother having a mental breakdown. Logic isn't part of the equation here. It's a ton of shit piled up - after awhile the pressure is too high and something has to give.

Keep safe,

CTS

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15-01-2014, 04:10 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
How close do you live to this brother?

I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!
Nathaniel Hawthorne
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15-01-2014, 04:44 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(15-01-2014 03:29 PM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  If you feel inclined, contact the non-sibling family member. It might be a similar MO. You want to understand the full extent of what's going on, you might as well start talking to someone who's had to take steps to ensure their own safety.

At this point, I suggest to cease contact with your brother. The texts were emotional and psychological abuse. No matter if it's your brother, you do not deserve to get the shit kicked out of you. Physical violence solves nothing. Letting it happen solves nothing. Standing up for yourself if you're attacked is the thing to do. He was abused as a kid and now he's taking it out on you. The abused becoming the abuser. It's not tough love, it's not even love. It's your brother having a mental breakdown. Logic isn't part of the equation here. It's a ton of shit piled up - after awhile the pressure is too high and something has to give.

Keep safe,

CTS
Thanks Hodor, unfortunately I agree with much of what you said. I think he has a "me against the world" mentality combined with a "you are with me or against me" mentality. I also think he believes he holds the moral, ethical, social, mature, and "manly" highground.

I just texted my mom and told her that she can give him any info he wants if he asks about me, just don't give him my address because he threatened me and I don't want anything stupid to happen. I also texted my one sister that he still might talk to and told her to not give him my address. And she responded congratulating me for holding my ground and not being classless (she saw the facebook argument).

So, unless he contacts my cousins who sent me Christmas cards, he shouldn't know where I live exactly since he has never come over before.

Thanks for reading Smile

(15-01-2014 04:10 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  How close do you live to this brother?
He's like a 25-35 minute drive north of me. He lives like 10 minutes from my mom's place (but he doesn't go there often). Thanks for reading (if you did) Smile.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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15-01-2014, 07:20 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
I'm just typing thoughts as I go:

Wow! that convo should have been over after your amazing and more than nice first message.
Expert on girls? Dodgy
YOU'RE the one trying to make things complicated?!

Man... He isn't happy to just write you off, and be done with you, he wants to attack you, and make you miserable. I'd cut as much contact with him as you can Hug we'll chat more later
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15-01-2014, 07:26 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(15-01-2014 04:44 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(15-01-2014 03:29 PM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  If you feel inclined, contact the non-sibling family member. It might be a similar MO. You want to understand the full extent of what's going on, you might as well start talking to someone who's had to take steps to ensure their own safety.

At this point, I suggest to cease contact with your brother. The texts were emotional and psychological abuse. No matter if it's your brother, you do not deserve to get the shit kicked out of you. Physical violence solves nothing. Letting it happen solves nothing. Standing up for yourself if you're attacked is the thing to do. He was abused as a kid and now he's taking it out on you. The abused becoming the abuser. It's not tough love, it's not even love. It's your brother having a mental breakdown. Logic isn't part of the equation here. It's a ton of shit piled up - after awhile the pressure is too high and something has to give.

Keep safe,

CTS
Thanks Hodor, unfortunately I agree with much of what you said. I think he has a "me against the world" mentality combined with a "you are with me or against me" mentality. I also think he believes he holds the moral, ethical, social, mature, and "manly" highground.

I just texted my mom and told her that she can give him any info he wants if he asks about me, just don't give him my address because he threatened me and I don't want anything stupid to happen. I also texted my one sister that he still might talk to and told her to not give him my address. And she responded congratulating me for holding my ground and not being classless (she saw the facebook argument).

So, unless he contacts my cousins who sent me Christmas cards, he shouldn't know where I live exactly since he has never come over before.

Thanks for reading Smile

(15-01-2014 04:10 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  How close do you live to this brother?
He's like a 25-35 minute drive north of me. He lives like 10 minutes from my mom's place (but he doesn't go there often). Thanks for reading (if you did) Smile.

I did read it. Though I skipped a few of your brother's messages. He gives me a headache. If you're still not ready to cut all ties (which I think is the best idea for your physical and emotional safety), then you need to be really careful. I think your brother needs some sort of treatment, he seems to be emotionally unstable and abusive. He scares me a little. Stay safe okay Hug

I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!
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15-01-2014, 07:38 PM (This post was last modified: 15-01-2014 08:44 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
(15-01-2014 07:20 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I'm just typing thoughts as I go:

Wow! that convo should have been over after your amazing and more than nice first message.
Expert on girls? Dodgy
YOU'RE the one trying to make things complicated?!

Man... He isn't happy to just write you off, and be done with you, he wants to attack you, and make you miserable. I'd cut as much contact with him as you can Hug we'll chat more later

(15-01-2014 07:26 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  I did read it. Though I skipped a few of your brother's messages. He gives me a headache. If you're still not ready to cut all ties (which I think is the best idea for your physical and emotional safety), then you need to be really careful. I think your brother needs some sort of treatment, he seems to be emotionally unstable and abusive. He scares me a little. Stay safe okay Hug

Thanks E-Dawg and S-Money Hug

And yeah honestly throughout the day (at work) I glazed over many of his messages because they CAME IN LIKE THE OCEAN. And I have a tiny one inch screen on my old as hell phone. When I typed this up last night there was like 10-20 messages I didn't even realize he sent during the day haha.

I just went through and did a quick count (so these might be rough numbers) But I sent him 35 texts throughout the day, and he sent me ALMOST 130. God damn. And that's not even counting the 20 or so he sent later last night after the facebook crap.

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19-01-2014, 12:22 PM
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
Well, since my bro exploded on facebook (mentioned above) he hasn't done anything else. However other family members are contacting me and encouraging me. My oldest sister (who is also older than my big bro) just Emailed me about it, so I decided to send her most of what I showed you guys this morning. Probably about 60-70% of it. I cut out some repetition. She has been a pretty successful psychologist for over 15 years, so it's always interesting to hear her take on the interactions between people (especially fam members).

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10-08-2014, 03:19 PM (This post was last modified: 10-08-2014 04:04 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: off topic...bro text argument over break up email
So here we are, almost 7 months later. The (not so) epic tale of Adrian and his bro continues. My previous post describing our interaction on facebook in January is the last time I have communicated with my brother. Honestly I'm not angry. I'm a little sad, but for the most part I don't think about it much. If he were to approach me in a civilized manner and have a conversation with me, I would totally be down. I'm not one to hold grudges. But that is totally NOT what is happening.

Since January, he has texted me and called and left voicemails on average once a month. He has not once failed to disrespect me or insult me in some way in every single text/voicemail. I can't even think of a way to respond to him without escalating the situation, so I just don't respond. Because I am not going to let myself be disrespected, 'cause you know what? My life is freakin' awesome, and I don't let negativity infect my life. He seems to want me to submit to him and respond apologetically, but...no. Whether he realizes it or not, I am an adult (even if I prefer not to think of myself as one). Nobody owns me and nobody has the power to make me not live a life I enjoy.

My girlfriend has lost respect for him. I've told her and shown her everything. She is a little scared because the house I bought is only 2 miles from where he lives. He doesn't know where I live, or at least he shouldn't know.

So I'll just keep waiting, and see if he comes around one day and says, "Hey Adrian, how have you been? It's been a while, I hope we can move past any hard feelings.." Or even, "Hey, I really don't like having this tension between us, can we talk about it?"

But that isn't happening yet. Instead I get the following. I'm too lazy to open up my voicemails and transcribe them into the this message, but for the most part they are the same sort of thing as these texts (with the exception of one voicemail where he sounded very angry and aggressive). And here they are (I am going to censor out some of his words because I'm weird like that):

Remember that I have not said or sent a word to him since January.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3/23/2014: "Supp, done being a lil girl or ready to stand up and be a brother yet??"
3/23/2014: "My duty as your brother to keep trying to get you to man up."
me: (no response)
5/02/2014: "Stop being a little girl and gimme a call !!"
me: (no response)
6/12/2014: "Stop acting like a little bit** and call me and apologize you little shi*head."
me: (no response)
6/29/2014: "You suck, stop crying."
me: (no response)
7/11/2014: "Weak!!!!"
me: (no response)
8/09/2014: "Stop being a va*ina and call me."
me: (no response)

EDIT: Ok, now that it is on my mind I have to transcribe these voicemails. Damn me and my obsessive personality haha.
(My voicemail doesn't save dates unfortunately, but these are in order of receipt, all are about 2 months apart). Voicemails below:


1: "Stop acting like a little girl and call me back! What the hell! You gunna sit there and cry forever and act like, 'Oh poor me, [brother's name] told me what was up'? Cut it out A, give me a call. Stop acting like a little girl! Me and you aren't supposed to be fighting. You're not supposed to be acting like this. I can't believe that you would actually turn on me, and act like a little punk like this. The boys in this family are not gunna act like the girls! Stop acting like a little bit** and call me back!"

2: "Stop acting like a little girl and give me a call."

3: "Man what is taking you so long to call me back and man up!? Stop acting like a little beeyotch, Adrian. C'mon. Just because you are hella weak, and I'm not, doesn't mean you have to act like this. I'm the one who is gunna teach you to not be a little girl. So if you wanna keep acting like a little girl and running around, you just look bad! But, I'm your big brother, and it's my job to try to make you not look like a little girl. So, stop acting like a little 'VJ' and call me back. Stop acting like the stupid little girls in our family thinking that you know some shi* that you don't know, and call me back and make it all good. Stop playing around, stop having this ridiculousness. Give me a call, stop acting like a little beeyotch."

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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