please help with eulogy emotion
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27-06-2016, 09:12 AM
please help with eulogy emotion
Hi guys, first a huge thank you for all the messages of support following dads death. Finally we have a date for his funeral as his minister is away we have stand in clergy for the funeral which is fine as I am doing the eulogy so the priest can be generic in her sermon. I need some help, I've sorted what I'm going to say so its not writing the eulogy that I'm worried about but its delivery, I don't want to break down and start crying like a total pussy but I'm afraid I might, does anyone have any tips, advice, or techniques I can use to avoid a shameful disgrace I don't want to let my dad and family down by dissolving into a blubbering mess.
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27-06-2016, 09:24 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
(27-06-2016 09:12 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Hi guys, first a huge thank you for all the messages of support following dads death. Finally we have a date for his funeral as his minister is away we have stand in clergy for the funeral which is fine as I am doing the eulogy so the priest can be generic in her sermon. I need some help, I've sorted what I'm going to say so its not writing the eulogy that I'm worried about but its delivery, I don't want to break down and start crying like a total pussy but I'm afraid I might, does anyone have any tips, advice, or techniques I can use to avoid a shameful disgrace I don't want to let my dad and family down by dissolving into a blubbering mess.

I spoke at my dad's memorial service. I wrote and rewrote what I was going to say. We weren't in a church setting so things were a bit more informal and I was speaking to people who knew him well...that freed me up to be a bit more casual in what I was saying.

I did choke up a couple times but that's okay...it's really okay, almost expected. When we speak at a loved one's service we aren't disinterested third parties.

Write out your notes...you don't have to read word for work but do want to remember the most important points and emotional can rattle your thought process.

Hardest for me was when I talked about how everyone there knew that things weren't always great between dad and me I looked up and my sister had tears streaming down her face. We are a family who were trained not to show emotion so I was moved that my words had touched her.

Speak from your heart...tears are fine...choking a bit expected. You are going to do just fine. Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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27-06-2016, 09:24 AM (This post was last modified: 27-06-2016 09:27 AM by Banjo.)
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
Mate, I don' know what to tell you.

Original Santana drummer Michael Shrieve got up at the end of the service for the great Elvin Jones.

He said from the heart, "We are here to mourn the loss but celebrate the life of..."

I think you should say what you feel and feel what you say.

I have not sent any PM's, frankly because I am sick of death and can offer nothing. Nishi's death very nearly killed me. I ended in hospital hanging between life and death.

You remain alive, but hold the memories of the one you lost. Nobody can encapsulate that but you. Trust yourself and your feelings.

I have spent much time thinking on you and this crisis, although have not posted so much. Death is my constant friend/companion.

My love to you is little compared to your love of your dad. Go with that.

As always. Yours. Dale

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
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27-06-2016, 09:42 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
That's tough.

Just make sure you know exactly what you are going to say, read it many times so it's rote. Then you can recite it like a poem without thinking too much about the meaning of the content.

Chances are you'll hold up well, albeit with some choking.

Be prepared to have a "grief attack" afterwards, once you are alone and the pressure falls off. Just let it happen then, and it will be a calming relief. Serotonin will flood you and be a great help.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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27-06-2016, 09:46 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
Go ahead and cry, it may give license to other people who are also teetering on the brink to let their emotions out too.
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27-06-2016, 10:14 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
I think it would be fine if you cried during the eulogy. People won't think worse of you for it. However, if you want to minimize the chances for doing so, read the words aloud a few times, and maybe even read them to a small audience of your friends or family, so that the service isn't the first time you will be speaking them.

Another idea is to have one of your other relatives stand with you as you speak and be ready to take over if you can't talk.

When my nephew died, my brother-in-law had written a song about him, and he was afraid he wouldn't be able to sing without breaking down, so he recorded the song beforehand and it was played at the funeral. I don't know if there's a way to record part of your eulogy, but that would be another option to consider.
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27-06-2016, 10:46 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
I have expressly forbidden a funeral. I have asked for a dinner. People can eat drink and be merry. Perhaps someone may discuss me. Just as long as they enjoy themselves. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
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27-06-2016, 10:50 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
What others have said is right. Crying is fine. That said, there are a couple of techniques to try to avoid it.

Looking up, like pointing your eyes up while keeping your face forward, is supposed to make it harder for tears to flow. It's not perfect, and it's not going to stop heavy crying. But maybe it can help. Practice ahead of time. It's harder than it might seem to keep your eyes pointed up that way.

I have mixed feelings about this one, but you asked for options, so here it is. See your doctor, describe your situation, and ask for a sedative or mood stabilizer to use for the day. I get single-dose valium for dentist visits, some people do a similar thing for air travel. Many doctors are sympathetic to the need for situational emotion management as long as it doesn't become a habit. It may help, if you want to go that route.

That's all I've got. I am so sorry you're going through this. Confused
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27-06-2016, 11:01 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
No sane individual ever looked down at a person crying at a funeral.........

...

Don't worry, you'll be fine...

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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27-06-2016, 11:10 AM
RE: please help with eulogy emotion
Crying does not make you a pussy. I cried a ton at my grandma's funeral and fuck anyone who thinks less of me for it.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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