recently deconverted
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09-09-2017, 08:57 PM
recently deconverted
I recently deconverted. I set out to complete an apologetics project with a different approach than the usual one. I approached the issue of creation and evolution from a skeptical approach on both sides and found no solid evidence for creationists. I wanted honest answers, and I could only find them from one side of the issue. I didn't want to let go of my faith and church, but now, I'm a little more okay with it. I realize I'm an atheist. Never thought I would say that, and I haven't completely come out about it. My church doesn't know. And that is part of why I'm posting here.

I don't know how to come out to them, which later means I need to come out to my family and everyone else I know who knows me as a strong believer in Christianity. I've worked in music and with the teens at church. I left my church for the most part. I'm there only with the teens, but I want to go. I want to leave it behind and stopped getting roped into it. I know part of it is that I don't know how to tell them I no longer believe. I don't like being dishonest about where I stand. I feel like I am. But I also don't want to cause any trouble with it. I know it's going to upset them. I also know they're going to see me like the atheist in the stereotypical church view. You know, the person who loves to live in sin, worship Satan, and wants to be God. As if I really want that job.

Any suggestions on how I can handle this? First the church, then my family, then any friends and all others who find out. It will likely happen in that order. I want it to be done in such a way that will result in the least turmoil with everyone I know. I'm clueless about it.
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09-09-2017, 09:05 PM
RE: recently deconverted
Big bang or phased? An oft asked question.

And if phased, which order is least risky.

Either way you might end up sending some people you love into a tail spin.

Another approach is to let people realise on their own.

If you still enjoy the community aspect of your church, stay there. Use charm and humour to hint at the silliness of the beliefs and encourage the teens to think critically and undertake the journey that you have been on.

Yes

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09-09-2017, 09:20 PM
RE: recently deconverted
Just pace yourself. Practice ahead of time what you are going to say and what their reactions are going to be and how you will handle them. I think mentally going through the what ifs and mindfully preparing for them can help.

I also don't think you need to tell anyone until you are truly ready (if you don't want to). Being an atheist doesn't mean you have to shout it from the rooftops and it doesn't mean that you can no longer take part in church related things or religious holidays. I'm an atheist and I practice yoga (including all the spiritual aspects). I also go to church on occasion to please my mom and I celebrate all xtian holidays 'cause I like the free gifts and candy Wink

IMO, there is no black and white in being an atheist. Perfectly fine to live in the gray. The only thing that's changed about you is that *you* are now living in reality and living a free existence away from a magical sky daddy. That means you get to proceed how you wish.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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09-09-2017, 09:28 PM
RE: recently deconverted
Put everyone on a need to know basis. If it's not absolutely crucial that everyone know about your loss of belief, take your time and give yourself a little more time to get used to it yourself before making any grand announcements.
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09-09-2017, 09:33 PM
RE: recently deconverted
I wouldn't suggest church first. Often churches try to "help" by telling a group. Then that group tells others. There have been a few who told their church first, who then told family.
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09-09-2017, 10:19 PM
RE: recently deconverted
Stop going to church.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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09-09-2017, 10:47 PM
RE: recently deconverted
I don't really have any advice but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm in the process of decoverting (leaning heavily towards atheism at this point) and although I don't need to come out to anyone at church since I don't work in one or even attend one, I have no idea how to tell my family about my deconversion. I know it would crush them to find out I'm probably an atheist so I'm honestly not sure I'll ever tell them. Anyway, the point is you're not alone and I hope people here will be able to help you out a bit (sorry I can't be of more help right now). I'm pretty new here but people here seem really supportive.
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10-09-2017, 04:12 AM
RE: recently deconverted
(09-09-2017 08:57 PM)XPathSkeptic Wrote:  Any suggestions on how I can handle this? First the church, then my family, then any friends and all others who find out. It will likely happen in that order. I want it to be done in such a way that will result in the least turmoil with everyone I know. I'm clueless about it.

You are not obliged to tell anyone, and most people won't bother to ask. Most people will never hear what you have to say, once you utter the word "atheist."

Being an atheist is pretty much like being invisible. Even if people think they see you, they're usually seeing something different than you.

My own policy is to be honest and let the chips fall where they may, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. Silence or changing the subject often work better to avoid conflicts.

But I wouldn't recommend lying either. If you lie, you have to keep track and that's too exhausting.
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10-09-2017, 04:59 AM
RE: recently deconverted
Hug

All the best.
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19-09-2017, 10:15 AM
RE: recently deconverted
I de-converted at a later age (late 30's it was fade, not a switch). My approach was and still is to just live my life as I had always done. The change in my view on religion, did not change my view on the people around me or how I should treat them. I tend to not discuss religion with people in person so no reason to start now. If asked I will be honest, but I am not going to broadcast to everyone.
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