so now what?
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17-03-2016, 01:12 AM
RE: so now what?
(16-03-2016 10:25 PM)Fireball Wrote:  Please don't kick yourself for the amount of time that you have invested in the belief. I had a hard time with that, and still do. When I truly realized that I didn't believe in a god, I just sat there, trying to figure out how I was going to tell my family and friends that this thing they held so dear was a complete fabrication. I had this realization in 2005. I still haven't told some of my family. I have two sons who are open atheists, but in my age group (I'm 63, and in the US of A), it is still stigmatic. This is one of the best sites that I have found for working through what you think and feel. I've been to some that were so toxic you wouldn't believe it. For the record, I won't be naming them, but you won't see someone with the handle "Fireball" there. If you do, it isn't me. I only use this handle here and at AF.org. I have many alter egos. Tongue Good luck with your transition!

Thank you so much, it's very different. It's extremely hard to get around the things burned into me. The thing is I don't know if I'm looking for a different God than what I was taught.. Or just to not have one at all. But I do love this sight and all of the posts. It's really mind opening.
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17-03-2016, 01:20 AM
RE: so now what?
(17-03-2016 12:54 AM)god has no twitter account Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  beginning this journey to find a truth started hard.. got easy.. and is now hard again.
since joining here i have felt it easy to let go of my beliefs in a way. easier than searching things on google.
but now. i feel alone. since i started pushing god away who do i pray to??
some would say talk to friends.. i dont have friends.. well i have one and,
i live with my only "friend" i guess but thats the trouble. its my boyfriend and things are looking rough.
his only answer is "i dont know" "i dont know if this can be fixed."
if i talk to my sisters, i dont really get responses.

so now.. without religion.. kinda.. i still hold to some things i have not fully let go.. but i feel different.
is it normal? is this expected?

goodbye anxiety and hello sadness.

I think that many people can learn from this and I'm not having a pop at OP but before making a major change in your life, make a plan. This was something that started to be recognised in the 80s when the divorce rate began to increase here in the UK. Women, especially, who were thinking seriously about divorce, were being advised by 'agony aunts' to develop their own circle of friends, outside of the marriage, before divorcing their husbands. This was because, come the divorce, they will lose a large proportion of their circle of friends because they will take the 'wounded' party's side. It's the same with religion. Before leaving your religion/church, develop a secular group of friends before you leave because you may well need them after you split from your church. This way, you will have a group of friends appropriate to your new life and not a group of friends who will be anxious to have you part of the fold once more and back in your old life.

Your new group of secular friends will help you adjust to your new life and will make you aware of what you have been missing and highlight the stupidity of religtardology.

However, you aren't there - but you could be. There must be groups on the net and in your area that offer support to people who are thinking about or have left the faith. Talk to them. They will understand you best. There's also books that you could read. DLJ seems to know about a few. Best talk to him on that score.

I wish you well but you have already made a wise choice by rejecting the biggest lie in the history of Man - god. Do not go back.

Well.. The thing about that is.. I already left the church due to how they treated me. It's in my intro I think but basically I brought my agnostic boyfriend to my "come as you are church" up until then they lived everyone and judged no one. Then one day the preachers wife emailed me at work and said "well you know the bible so we aren't going to talked to you about being unequally yolked." And after that the deacons were telling me the preacher was talking about it behind my back. These were my friends.. And they treated me so differently over a guy. Shortly after the church pushed the preacher to step down and he did and it sounds crazy but it was like a war trying to get me in one or the other. The deacons used that whole experience to pull me into the "new" church and well the preacher and his.. Tried saying it never happened.
That's when I really started to have questions about Christians
And in between all that I lost my two closest friends from work. I helped one when her boyfriend left her, gave her a place to stay and whatnot. The others husband left her and took half her house so I gave her my bed.. They left me too over my agnostic boyfriend. So I didn't really have a lot going for me anyway lol
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17-03-2016, 01:26 AM
RE: so now what?
(16-03-2016 11:31 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 10:28 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  Stop praying. You're just talking to yourself anyway.

I rarely disagree with Min but when I do... Big Grin

Nothing wrong with talking to yourself ... it's a kind of meditation; a conscious sleep; a chance to collect, analyse and categorise / compartmentalise your thoughts and feelings.

For my atheist-Buddhist buddies, that's what they are doing when they go to temple.

Try to maintain the horizontal and ditch the vertical ...

... meaning that the functional / social aspects of religion can still be useful until you find secular replacements but the hierarchical (authoritarian) aspects should go

... that's how you take back control.

Thumbsup

Love this! Over the past week I found myself in prayer a lot. I would walk into my porch stare and the sky and talk.. And before I knew it I was basically in an argument with myself. I was pretty ticked at the things I read in my bible and thought I was going to God but after a while I was like.. This is a joke
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17-03-2016, 01:29 AM
RE: so now what?
(16-03-2016 10:21 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 10:17 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  no i dont plan on doing that. i mean the studying and what not yes. im actually excited to grab some of the books. but now that an issue has come up and i have figured prayer is a bit.. empty. it just got a little harder lol

There are a lot of fun threads on here--why not let some of this anxiety go for a bit. Sometimes overthinking things can create more anxiety while you're trying to figure things out. Give yourself time off from all of that (wondering what to do etc.) until you are able to get your books.

It is super hard to keep up with this on my phone lol. But I actually have been getting into some of the threads. All different kinds. I love the new view I can get from here.
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17-03-2016, 04:25 AM
RE: so now what?
(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  but now. i feel alone. since i started pushing god away who do i pray to??
some would say talk to friends.. i dont have friends.. .

I feel for you. I remember that feeling of emptiness. But then I found that embracing a reality based existence was it's own reward. I actually am not frightened of death or loneliness anymore and I see the world for the beautiful thing that it is and I enjoy life so much more. Granted, my family has filled that void largely but it wasn't always the case. Unfortunately, friends may be few and far between but ymmv. Some people couldn't care less of your religiosity, some care a ton. You just have to put yourself out there to find them and don't stop searching. They are out there.

(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  well i have one and, i live with my only "friend" i guess but thats the trouble. its my boyfriend and things are looking rough his only answer is "i dont know" "i dont know if this can be fixed." if i talk to my sisters, i dont really get responses.

This sounds a bit like me. I go to work, I come home to my wife and kids, and repeat. About the closest thing I have to friends are the guys on my softball team (which is a team at by wife's church) and they rarely ever include me in activities other than softball. I am not shitting you, right in front of me they plan stuff and if they ask me, it almost seems like an after thought. I get along with them great so I am not too sure why I am hardly ever included. I have never had many friends either. Didn't really care to. In general, people can suck. Dogs are great though. This road is a tough road to take. Much of it is taken in solitude unfortunately. In the US culture, YOU are the freak for not thinking that magic is real. It is, however, a road worth taking.

(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  so now.. without religion.. kinda.. i still hold to some things i have not fully let go.. but i feel different.
is it normal? is this expected?

goodbye anxiety and hello sadness.

I think this is totally normal. I think (my opinion) is that it is abnormal not to have these feelings. Letting go takes time. It can be scary and painful at times losing your security blanket but it is a wonderful world out there on the other side.

You're not alone and you're not crazy.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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17-03-2016, 05:08 AM
RE: so now what?
Who to pray to???

Joe Pesci???


"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit." -- George Carlin

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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17-03-2016, 05:57 AM
RE: so now what?
(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  beginning this journey to find a truth started hard.. got easy.. and is now hard again.
since joining here i have felt it easy to let go of my beliefs in a way. easier than searching things on google.
but now. i feel alone. since i started pushing god away who do i pray to??
some would say talk to friends.. i dont have friends.. well i have one and,
i live with my only "friend" i guess but thats the trouble. its my boyfriend and things are looking rough.
his only answer is "i dont know" "i dont know if this can be fixed."
if i talk to my sisters, i dont really get responses.

so now.. without religion.. kinda.. i still hold to some things i have not fully let go.. but i feel different.
is it normal? is this expected?

goodbye anxiety and hello sadness.

I never had an imaginary friend. So for myself I find it hard to relate to your situation.

However, the world is chock full of human beings. One cannot turn a corner without nearly running into one.

Some are most interesting and, they talk back at you! Unlike imaginary friends. Which are fit only for the most childish of individuals IMO.

You have outgrown that imaginary friend. Now it is time to discover an entire world of fascinating people. Perhaps move to New York or LA.

The ball is in your court to hit where you see fit.

Good luck! Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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17-03-2016, 06:15 AM
RE: so now what?
(17-03-2016 04:25 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  but now. i feel alone. since i started pushing god away who do i pray to??
some would say talk to friends.. i dont have friends.. .

I feel for you. I remember that feeling of emptiness. But then I found that embracing a reality based existence was it's own reward. I actually am not frightened of death or loneliness anymore and I see the world for the beautiful thing that it is and I enjoy life so much more. Granted, my family has filled that void largely but it wasn't always the case. Unfortunately, friends may be few and far between but ymmv. Some people couldn't care less of your religiosity, some care a ton. You just have to put yourself out there to find them and don't stop searching. They are out there.

(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  well i have one and, i live with my only "friend" i guess but thats the trouble. its my boyfriend and things are looking rough his only answer is "i dont know" "i dont know if this can be fixed." if i talk to my sisters, i dont really get responses.

This sounds a bit like me. I go to work, I come home to my wife and kids, and repeat. About the closest thing I have to friends are the guys on my softball team (which is a team at by wife's church) and they rarely ever include me in activities other than softball. I am not shitting you, right in front of me they plan stuff and if they ask me, it almost seems like an after thought. I get along with them great so I am not too sure why I am hardly ever included. I have never had many friends either. Didn't really care to. In general, people can suck. Dogs are great though. This road is a tough road to take. Much of it is taken in solitude unfortunately. In the US culture, YOU are the freak for not thinking that magic is real. It is, however, a road worth taking.

(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  so now.. without religion.. kinda.. i still hold to some things i have not fully let go.. but i feel different.
is it normal? is this expected?

goodbye anxiety and hello sadness.

I think this is totally normal. I think (my opinion) is that it is abnormal not to have these feelings. Letting go takes time. It can be scary and painful at times losing your security blanket but it is a wonderful world out there on the other side.

You're not alone and you're not crazy.

well lucky for me, the place i work at has a few non believers. if i get the chance i email or talk with them. thats how this really got the kick start. my freaking out being challenged by one agnostic with his historical facts.
but the softball team.. i totally understand that except in the form of my own sisters. we get along great but they often forget me.. i guess because i live in another state. but i am like 30 minutes away so who knows.
if its normal then i guess im going the right way. i knew it wouldnt be easy and i noticed when it was too easy. i guess time is all i need Smile
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17-03-2016, 06:16 AM
RE: so now what?
(17-03-2016 05:57 AM)Banjo Wrote:  
(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  beginning this journey to find a truth started hard.. got easy.. and is now hard again.
since joining here i have felt it easy to let go of my beliefs in a way. easier than searching things on google.
but now. i feel alone. since i started pushing god away who do i pray to??
some would say talk to friends.. i dont have friends.. well i have one and,
i live with my only "friend" i guess but thats the trouble. its my boyfriend and things are looking rough.
his only answer is "i dont know" "i dont know if this can be fixed."
if i talk to my sisters, i dont really get responses.

so now.. without religion.. kinda.. i still hold to some things i have not fully let go.. but i feel different.
is it normal? is this expected?

goodbye anxiety and hello sadness.

I never had an imaginary friend. So for myself I find it hard to relate to your situation.

However, the world is chock full of human beings. One cannot turn a corner without nearly running into one.

Some are most interesting and, they talk back at you! Unlike imaginary friends. Which are fit only for the most childish of individuals IMO.

You have outgrown that imaginary friend. Now it is time to discover an entire world of fascinating people. Perhaps move to New York or LA.

The ball is in your court to hit where you see fit.

Good luck! Smile

a move sounds great. because it seems like the people here just arent interested in being friendly. i have people i can talk to at work but the majority of the time i sit in silence and stare at my screen..
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17-03-2016, 07:48 AM
RE: so now what?
(16-03-2016 09:50 PM)Jewelarcher Wrote:  beginning this journey to find a truth started hard.. got easy.. and is now hard again.
since joining here i have felt it easy to let go of my beliefs in a way. easier than searching things on google.
but now. i feel alone. since i started pushing god away who do i pray to??
some would say talk to friends.. i dont have friends.. well i have one and,
i live with my only "friend" i guess but thats the trouble. its my boyfriend and things are looking rough.
his only answer is "i dont know" "i dont know if this can be fixed."
if i talk to my sisters, i dont really get responses.

so now.. without religion.. kinda.. i still hold to some things i have not fully let go.. but i feel different.
is it normal? is this expected?

goodbye anxiety and hello sadness.

Hug

Wishing you lots of happy thoughts. Smile

With your just joining here... You've got friends. Hug
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