[split] Conflicted
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16-03-2014, 05:46 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(16-03-2014 05:32 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 05:17 PM)Chas Wrote:  Just let it go. Regardless of your intent, it read like a challenge - not supportive.

There are no negative consequences for you, and now you know more about that section, so just drop it.
I find myself forced into a corner here. Having to defend myself, my reputation (which is important to me).
Mom's was rude, made false assumptions and accusations, and I thought it was over the top and uncalled for.

It could have been dealt with much better than this.
Mom's could have approached me via PM and we could have clarified the intent behind my post. This public shaming is really uncalled for.

I don't disagree that Moms could have been gentler, but there was really no "public shaming". I've had two posts bounced out of that forum; one was because I didn't notice it was that forum, the other was a post that was just a little too blunt.

No harm, no foul.

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16-03-2014, 05:47 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(16-03-2014 05:32 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 05:17 PM)Chas Wrote:  Just let it go. Regardless of your intent, it read like a challenge - not supportive.

There are no negative consequences for you, and now you know more about that section, so just drop it.
I find myself forced into a corner here. Having to defend myself, my reputation (which is important to me).
Mom's was rude, made false assumptions and accusations, and I thought it was over the top and uncalled for.

It could have been dealt with much better than this.
Mom's could have approached me via PM and we could have clarified the intent behind my post. This public shaming is really uncalled for.

I think Stevil has a very good point here. The whole think was a misunderstanding, and he's just trying to clarify his position.

I, for one, am clear on what you intended to say Stevil, and your reputation is certainly not in question as far as I'm concerned.
I suspect most people here would agree.

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16-03-2014, 05:54 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
Cool

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

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16-03-2014, 05:56 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
Cuz don't make me come in here and be all...
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16-03-2014, 06:06 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
I don't think there was anything malicious about your post Stevil. I think perhaps things were misunderstood all around. Things could have been said better considering the forum it was in...and not just by you. Errors in wording and judgement happen. We do try to protect that area and the reason it exists. We are all just people here, most of us doing the best we can to get through the day.

It is nearly impossible for a life-long heterosexual to understand what someone with a sexual preference that is something other than strictly heterosexual goes through on various levels. As I understand coming out, there are just so many levels to it though I don't believe proclaiming your sex life from the mountaintops is on that list. Imagine what it would be like if your family always assumed you were straight, they then had a gathering and everyone was told to invite girl/boy friends. Your family would likely have expected you to show up with a girl. Do you not think there would have been discomfort if showed up with the man you were in love with? People have preconceived notions of how things not only are, but how they should be.

There is also the matter of being able to live honestly around those you love, and that means disclosure to those same people.

The sad fact is that there are people who can't stand to see what they see as different (read wrong)... sexuality that is other than heterosexual...couples not of the same race...people who don't believe in god. Different people have different things to go through when they decide divulge that part of their lives that is not mainstream.

Let's calm a bit...you seem like you are a good guy...we can all move past this, I hope.

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16-03-2014, 06:22 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
@Stevil: Say you're sorry you sounded unsopportive in the support section, it wasn't what you meant.

@moms: Say you're sorry you told Stevil to go away, that you were only trying to take care of the section rules and got a bit excited.

Now hug it out!

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16-03-2014, 06:36 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(16-03-2014 06:22 PM)nach_in Wrote:  @Stevil: Say you're sorry you sounded unsopportive in the support section, it wasn't what you meant.

@moms: Say you're sorry you told Stevil to go away, that you were only trying to take care of the section rules and got a bit excited.

Now hug it out!

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16-03-2014, 06:46 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
I got no clue what this thread is about ... but I do have ...




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16-03-2014, 07:10 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(16-03-2014 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I don't think there was anything malicious about your post Stevil.
Thank you

(16-03-2014 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I think perhaps things were misunderstood all around.
Yes, definitely

(16-03-2014 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Things could have been said better considering the forum it was in...
This is my first run in with the "Personal Issues and Support" forum.
I have found it to be quite a nasty experience, but I will get over it. Maybe in furture i will try again to make a post in this section, or maybe I will play it safe and ignore it. Time will tell.

(16-03-2014 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  We do try to protect that area and the reason it exists.
Maybe some grace ought to be given on a one post message if read it as being nasty or maliscious. Remove it quick and then have a quick PM with the person to ascertain the intent or come to an agreement on a less controversial wording - Just for that part of the forum of course

(16-03-2014 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  It is nearly impossible for a life-long heterosexual to understand what someone with a sexual preference that is something other than strictly heterosexual goes through on various levels.
absolutely, which is why I think it is important to actively read and get involved in these types of discussions.


(16-03-2014 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  As I understand coming out, there are just so many levels to it though I don't believe proclaiming your sex life from the mountaintops is on that list. Imagine what it would be like if your family always assumed you were straight, they then had a gathering and everyone was told to invite girl/boy friends. Your family would likely have expected you to show up with a girl. Do you not think there would have been discomfort if showed up with the man you were in love with?
I don't know if this is just me, but I was very uncomfortable just letting my parents know that I liked a girl. I certainly didn't know how to handle being sexual and admitting that I have sexual desires to my parents.
Of course I wasn't afraid that my parents would be shocked, angry or disappointed so it's certainly on a different level. But I was very self conscious of my sexuality.

(16-03-2014 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  The sad fact is that there are people who can't stand to see what they see as different (read wrong)... sexuality that is other than heterosexual...couples not of the same race...people who don't believe in god. Different people have different things to go through when they decide divulge that part of their lives that is not mainstream.
I try to actively promote tolerance and diversity.

I currently think discarding the idea of moral judgment is a great way to this goal.
And I actively discuss, debate this idea ad nausea, but it is difficult to do because most people like the idea of morality and moral judgement so they search for a flavour that they like rather than to reject moral judgement altogether.
But that's a different topic Evil_monster
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16-03-2014, 08:18 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(16-03-2014 07:10 PM)Stevil Wrote:  I try to actively promote tolerance and diversity.

I currently think discarding the idea of moral judgment is a great way to this goal.
And I actively discuss, debate this idea ad nausea, but it is difficult to do because most people like the idea of morality and moral judgement so they search for a flavour that they like rather than to reject moral judgement altogether.
But that's a different topic Evil_monster

Good on ya, Stevil. Just a wrong time, wrong place sorta thing got carried away. I think we're all good now. What you were going for is right on, but I'm sure you can see where your post was misconstrued as being "provocative".

Where you were going is where things should be if people weren't such dumbfucks. Where that post needed to go is, how do we deal with the way things are, being as most people are such dumbfucks, and what kind of good advice and support can we give to the OP?

Just a glich in the matrix, water under the bridge dude.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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