[split] Conflicted
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17-03-2014, 04:50 AM
RE: [split] Conflicted
I just want to add a point that, if you are in a situation where you have to constantly project a false front of who you are, and how you feel that internal pressure can be overwhelming.

I attempted to release that pressure by suicide, the dichotomy of what I was and what I pretened to be was too much. When I did come out that pressure often vented as being overly aggressive about my sexuality.

Comming out was as much acceptance of who I am as well as defiance of what I was told to be, to be normal.

just my two cents on an emotive topic.

Here's the thing, were any of this true, Christian apologetics would not exist. One does not have to bend in multiple ways to defend electricity or aerodynamics. - Banjo

god's love is unconditional on the condition you do every thing he says. - Betty Bowers
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17-03-2014, 05:58 AM
RE: [split] Conflicted
Stevil, I don't think your comments were insensitive or anything along those lines, but when many people pointed out why your comments came across as a bit crass, you should have just accepted it and stopped defending it.

That's all I'm saying. It will be a wonderful world indeed when no one has to "come out," because that will mean that true equality exists to where our whole selves will be accepted without pause.
But until then, for those who have had to keep things quiet, "coming out" is relevant.

To continue to defend your reasoning when you have no earthly idea what a gay person must go through, is kinda silly.

Just my feedback fwiw. Smile

“He who sits in the house of grief will eventually sit in the garden.” ~Hafiz

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17-03-2014, 06:02 AM
RE: [split] Conflicted
[ from other thread ]
(16-03-2014 02:26 PM)Stevil Wrote:  
(16-03-2014 07:40 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  I guess I'm conflicted though because I think by not coming out I guess I'm letting them win. By not saying it's not ok it's like I'm saying it is ok.
I haven't come out and told people that I am heterosexual, my sexual interests are my private business. They aren't public domain to be discussed, debated, analysed and judged. I'm sure people have worked it out because I have a wife and two kids, but hopefully it was just a passing, non important observation rather than one of relief or despair.

Why should your being gay require an announcement?
[end of quotes from other thread]


Stevil:
I appreciate that you see any of our sexual inclinations private and that it's unnecessary to "come out" to others around you. IF ONLY that was the world we live in. Meanwhile, however, it's Not the world we live in.

I'd like you to take my comments in the vein in which they are intended:
If I point out the callousness of your approach perhaps you can understand - ok?
So please accept a little mothering from me on this thread........

have you lost your mind?

Of COURSE we live in a world where gays must 'come out' to their family, friends, even at times co-workers. Honey, were you been? How often is this in the news or conversation???
http://wonderwall.msn.com/music/stars-wh...50.gallery
http://www.popsugar.com/How-Gay-Stars-Ha...ning-slide
http://www.ivillage.com/gay-celebrities-...1-b-406420

Robin Roberts is 54 yrs old and has been on Good Morning America for years. She JUST came out publicly.

Maybe you don't pay attention when gay celebs 'come out' but the rest of the world does. Some of these celebs have 'come out' in order to support gay rights and gay marriage --- which unless you live under a rock IS A VERY HOT TOPIC IN this country. In fact, the last two elections have been pretty dicey dealing with this issue in public forefronts like FB and various popular blogs.

Anywho - my point being - I can see why Moms saw your comment as combative because saying "why should your gay require an announcement" (aka I made no such announcement of my straight status)... Just Does Not Jive.

I'll tell you why:

(1) Comparing being gay to being straight when the two exist in different worlds is not a proper comparison. It is unfair to ask a gay person to think as if they are straight. Unfortunately the world doesn't yet allow for that kind of equality.
IF ONLY YOU WERE CORRECT......... I would kiss your feet! I would! I would!
Think about it........... IF ONLY you were right about that? That being gay required no 'coming out'. Wow. The mind reels.

(2) Since that is NOT the world we live in......... you came across calloused and unfeeling. Which I'm convinced is not what you wished. In your own weird way you wanted to SHOW support but I can see why Moms read your post as she did.


I hope my walking you through this helps because you Still seem uncertain why your post was taken as it was. I mean you No harm (although I felt necessary to say 'have you lost your fucking mind?') I DO MEAN this as helpful and caring.
Being straight - as you admitted - its hard for you to know what a gay person's life is like. BUT I'm hoping that this experience [thread] will actually help you - help us all - to better understand just how difficult the gay person's life can be. And how important it is that straight people work harder to understand a lifestyle foreign to their own.

There's Soooo much good in this thread and, Stevil, you are the inspiration for improvement. I hope you see that as Hugely as I do. It's HUGE.

We won't really have a true Fair and Equal Society until Stevil's position IS a Reality. A gay person should Not have to announce their preference. They should just be....

(wait for it)


people. People leading their lives requiring no validation, no real announcement and no approval. They'll just be...........people. I believe that day is coming. I do.
Stevil, please don't be upset at my post. Again I mean it lovingly and caring. You NOT understanding is HUGE and a true upset in our country. You just get to be the spotlight here. Take it on the chin, babycakes, and know you're loved. And learn from this.......dear godnots - Please learn from this. Take this lesson with you OUT into the world.....walk it.......feel it.......wear it.......

because it matters.
To thousands and thousands of wonderful people....... it matters.


HeartHeartHeart

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17-03-2014, 06:44 AM
RE: [split] Conflicted
One good things that came from all this, there are people who genuinely think that coming out is unnecessary and "a proclamation". It is a good thing, it's awesome actually Big Grin

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17-03-2014, 06:46 AM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(17-03-2014 06:44 AM)nach_in Wrote:  One good things that came from all this, there are people who genuinely think that coming out is unnecessary and "a proclamation". It is a good thing, it's awesome actually Big Grin


It IS Awesome. And one day I sincerely hope our reality. HeartHeart

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17-03-2014, 08:27 AM
RE: [split] Conflicted
Muffsy is gay?

Eeewwwwww!!!!

Who knew?

Dodgy

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17-03-2014, 11:59 AM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(17-03-2014 05:58 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Stevil, I don't think your comments were insensitive or anything along those lines, but when many people pointed out why your comments came across as a bit crass, you should have just accepted it and stopped defending it.

That's all I'm saying. It will be a wonderful world indeed when no one has to "come out," because that will mean that true equality exists to where our whole selves will be accepted without pause.
But until then, for those who have had to keep things quiet, "coming out" is relevant.

To continue to defend your reasoning when you have no earthly idea what a gay person must go through, is kinda silly.

Just my feedback fwiw. Smile
I wasn't defending the meaning some people took from my post. I was trying to clarify my position and to show that it was different from what people thought. I was also trying to work out what meaning people got from my post as I couldn't read it the way some people were.
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17-03-2014, 12:14 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(17-03-2014 06:02 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  which unless you live under a rock IS A VERY HOT TOPIC IN this country.
I'm not an American BTW.

My comment of "Why should a gay have to make an announcement?"
Comes from my idealism (one rule for all), my experiences (a.k.a. finding out about some people through normal casual chit chat or events), the way I live my life (i.e. not being concerned about the sexual orientation of others).

My post was meant in that context, not meant to trivialise the troubles and obstacles that are often forced upon many gay people.

BTW I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 24 by that time there were several people who assumed my lack of girlfriend meant I was gay.
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17-03-2014, 02:07 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
(17-03-2014 06:44 AM)nach_in Wrote:  One good things that came from all this, there are people who genuinely think that coming out is unnecessary and "a proclamation". It is a good thing, it's awesome actually Big Grin
When the celebrities "come out" it seems to be via some media channel. A press conference, a publication interview etc.

I suspect their family and friends have known for years (may not be the case though) so I figured "coming out" means making it public knowledge rather than a private affair amongst family and friends.
I don't know why anyone needs to make their sexual desires public knowledge. Although I understand some celebrities want to stand up for the plight of others and become role models.
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17-03-2014, 02:25 PM
RE: [split] Conflicted
I have a question regarding gay people's experiences.

I want to know if my perception is accurate or not.

In the original thread earmuffs says
Quote: I don't wanna be "that gay guy". I don't want that to be the center of every conversation I ever have from then on because I hate it, I'm over gay rights and gay issues and shit but I just know that that will be the center of every conversation.

My feeling is that straight people who are accepting of homosexuality, they don't care, its a non issue, as interesting as whether a person has blue eyes or not or whether a person prefers coke or pepsi.
It's either something you are born with or a personal choice it doesn't matter which and it is nobody's place to make judgement.

I personally don't refer to anyone as "that gay guy" and I've never had a conversation with anyone who has said anything like that.

So I feel for straights that accept gay then it is a non issue and isn't used as a defining label for someone.
But with straights that are prejudice of course it is an issue for them. But I'm not focussing on them in this question.

My question here is, once you are out, do you find that people who are accepting treat you differently? Do you think they think of you as "that gay guy/gal?"
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