[split] Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
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06-02-2015, 10:34 AM (This post was last modified: 06-02-2015 02:05 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
[split] Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(05-02-2015 08:31 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  That's the question my son has asked me, point blank, twice now. And so far I have dodged the question or given non-answers. I'd like to just be able to be upfront with him and say "Yeah, I've got a boyfriend," but I'm still living at home with my own parents and if I tell my children that I've got a boyfriend, my parents will be soon to find out, and then will come the talks and the advice, and all the bs that I simply don't want to hear.

My parents will not like Rev. He's not a "good ole' boy", he's not a "good Christian man", he's not an outdoorsy/hunter type (which, my dad and brother both are), he's a "Yankee", he's a liberal, he's smart and he knows it (which they'll probably take as arrogance), and well, we're gonna be living together soon (in sin! Gasp ). I think that given time...

Okay, scratch that. I can't sit here and think that maybe someday they will like him because they have never liked anyone I've taken an interest in. No one is good enough, so whatever.

Point is, I would like to go ahead and tell my children about Rev. That he'll be moving out to Texas (around summer time) and that the kids will be living in the same home with him every other week means that this is going to affect their lives. So of course they should know. But I just do not want to deal with the slut-shaming speeches from my mother or all the "advice" she'll give me about this. And once my kids find out for sure that I do have a boyfriend, it's only a matter of time before word gets back to my mother. >.>

DLJ suggested once that I let my ex go first (with announcing an SO) and well, he has. He met someone in December and says things are getting serious so the kids are gonna meet her soon. I don't know if that's what has prompted my son asking me if I have a boyfriend with such persistance now or what but I do not know what to do.

Rev and I had decided that really, there was not much to be gained in telling my parents (or other adults in my life) about he and I, but that there was a good deal to be lost (my sanity Tongue ) if they did find out. It is hard though, to keep hearing my son ask and it is hard to keep dodging the question. It feels so dishonest. Sad

Any advice, my friends? Undecided

Im of the opinion that you should not seriously date if you have a child still because the child has already gone thru the devastation of loosing his Dad to some level whether it be to death, divorce, or only seeing him part time. Your child doesn't need to see a revolving door of guys coming thru it with them coming and going and especially if your child is pre teen. Your child needs your undivided attention to they are 18 . Have platonic friendships with the opposite sex only. If you don't, then jealousy will arise in your child for your attention and time / the child will start to develop abandonment issues whenever a b/f up n leaves / if you do decide to marry while you still have a child...the divorce rate is upwards of 70% due to the stressful dynamics of step parenting / blended families / your childs development is best when its just the two of you because you represent stability from not trying to make another deep relationship work .

Listen to Dr. Laura on Sirius channel 109 mon thru sun from 1-4 pm central time cause she gets a lot of callers with this same dilemma . And, go online to read the pitfalls of Single Parent dating and the effect it has on children.
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06-02-2015, 11:08 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 10:34 AM)QuasiAtheist Wrote:  
(05-02-2015 08:31 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  That's the question my son has asked me, point blank, twice now. And so far I have dodged the question or given non-answers. I'd like to just be able to be upfront with him and say "Yeah, I've got a boyfriend," but I'm still living at home with my own parents and if I tell my children that I've got a boyfriend, my parents will be soon to find out, and then will come the talks and the advice, and all the bs that I simply don't want to hear.

My parents will not like Rev. He's not a "good ole' boy", he's not a "good Christian man", he's not an outdoorsy/hunter type (which, my dad and brother both are), he's a "Yankee", he's a liberal, he's smart and he knows it (which they'll probably take as arrogance), and well, we're gonna be living together soon (in sin! Gasp ). I think that given time...

Okay, scratch that. I can't sit here and think that maybe someday they will like him because they have never liked anyone I've taken an interest in. No one is good enough, so whatever.

Point is, I would like to go ahead and tell my children about Rev. That he'll be moving out to Texas (around summer time) and that the kids will be living in the same home with him every other week means that this is going to affect their lives. So of course they should know. But I just do not want to deal with the slut-shaming speeches from my mother or all the "advice" she'll give me about this. And once my kids find out for sure that I do have a boyfriend, it's only a matter of time before word gets back to my mother. >.>

DLJ suggested once that I let my ex go first (with announcing an SO) and well, he has. He met someone in December and says things are getting serious so the kids are gonna meet her soon. I don't know if that's what has prompted my son asking me if I have a boyfriend with such persistance now or what but I do not know what to do.

Rev and I had decided that really, there was not much to be gained in telling my parents (or other adults in my life) about he and I, but that there was a good deal to be lost (my sanity Tongue ) if they did find out. It is hard though, to keep hearing my son ask and it is hard to keep dodging the question. It feels so dishonest. Sad

Any advice, my friends? Undecided

Im of the opinion that you should not seriously date if you have a child still because the child has already gone thru the devastation of loosing his Dad to some level whether it be to death, divorce, or only seeing him part time. Your child doesn't need to see a revolving door of guys coming thru it with them coming and going and especially if your child is pre teen. Your child needs your undivided attention to they are 18 . Have platonic friendships with the opposite sex only. If you don't, then jealousy will arise in your child for your attention and time / the child will start to develop abandonment issues whenever a b/f up n leaves / if you do decide to marry while you still have a child...the divorce rate is upwards of 70% due to the stressful dynamics of step parenting / blended families / your childs development is best when its just the two of you because you represent stability from not trying to make another deep relationship work .

Listen to Dr. Laura on Sirius channel 109 mon thru sun from 1-4 pm central time cause she gets a lot of callers with this same dilemma . And, go online to read the pitfalls of Single Parent dating and the effect it has on children.

That is dreadful, ignorant advice. And Dr. Laura is a bigoted asshole.

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06-02-2015, 11:20 AM (This post was last modified: 06-02-2015 02:07 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:08 AM)Chas Wrote:  That is dreadful, ignorant advice. And Dr. Laura is a bigoted asshole.

Concerning whats the best interest of the child, it is good/wholesome/correct advice ---- concerning a self centered Single Parent Mother who has to get her needs met over her childs, it is not so good advice. Dr. Laura is a sound logic based Psychologist of which morally degraded America needs more of ; you call her that vile name because your morals differ and are of a low standard to obtain maximum pleasure , whether right or wrong . Sensible Parents do what is ultimately right for their offspring even if it requires some self sacrificing for a time and do so out of love for their child.
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06-02-2015, 11:31 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:20 AM)QuasiAtheist Wrote:  
(06-02-2015 11:08 AM)Chas Wrote:  That is dreadful, ignorant advice. And Dr. Laura is a bigoted asshole.

Concerning whats the best interest of the child, it is good/wholesome/correct advice ---- concerning a self centered Single Parent Mother who has to get her needs met over her childs, it is not so good advice. Dr. Laura is a sound logic based Psychologist of which morally degraded America needs more of ; you call her that vile name because your morals differ and are of a low standard to obtain maximum pleasure , whether right or wrong . Sensible Parents do what is ultimately right for their offspring even if it requires some self sacrificing for a time and do so out of love for their child.

So, when my first husband died when I was 27 and the kids were 3 and 7, I should have just hung out with them for the next 15 years and had no sort of life at all? Hmmm....that would have meant they missed out on a stepfather of 7 years and a younger brother. I'll have to tell him that I should have skipped that part of my life, and his. Since 1992 they have had the same stepfather.

Hard as it may be to believe - not every single mother installs a revolving man door.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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06-02-2015, 11:32 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:20 AM)QuasiAtheist Wrote:  
(06-02-2015 11:08 AM)Chas Wrote:  That is dreadful, ignorant advice. And Dr. Laura is a bigoted asshole.

Concerning whats the best interest of the child, it is good/wholesome/correct advice ---- concerning a self centered Single Parent Mother who has to get her needs met over her childs, it is not so good advice. Dr. Laura is a sound logic based Psychologist of which morally degraded America needs more of ; you call her that vile name because your morals differ and are of a low standard to obtain maximum pleasure , whether right or wrong . Sensible Parents do what is ultimately right for their offspring even if it requires some self sacrificing for a time and do so out of love for their child.

You call the OP " self centered Single Parent Mother who has to get her needs met over her childs" when she has, in fact, expressed deep concern for her children's well-being.

So how about you fuck off.

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06-02-2015, 11:42 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:20 AM)QuasiAtheist Wrote:  
(06-02-2015 11:08 AM)Chas Wrote:  That is dreadful, ignorant advice. And Dr. Laura is a bigoted asshole.

Concerning whats the best interest of the child, it is good/wholesome/correct advice ---- concerning a self centered Single Parent Mother who has to get her needs met over her childs, it is not so good advice. Dr. Laura is a sound logic based Psychologist of which morally degraded America needs more of ; you call her that vile name because your morals differ and are of a low standard to obtain maximum pleasure , whether right or wrong . Sensible Parents do what is ultimately right for their offspring even if it requires some self sacrificing for a time and do so out of love for their child.

Like what the fuck is this? Go look in the fucking mirror and tell yourself to fuckoff.

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06-02-2015, 11:46 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:20 AM)QuasiAtheist Wrote:  
(06-02-2015 11:08 AM)Chas Wrote:  That is dreadful, ignorant advice. And Dr. Laura is a bigoted asshole.

Concerning whats the best interest of the child, it is good/wholesome/correct advice ---- concerning a self centered Single Parent Mother who has to get her needs met over her childs, it is not so good advice. Dr. Laura is a sound logic based Psychologist of which morally degraded America needs more of ; you call her that vile name because your morals differ and are of a low standard to obtain maximum pleasure , whether right or wrong . Sensible Parents do what is ultimately right for their offspring even if it requires some self sacrificing for a time and do so out of love for their child.

Your anal glaucoma is impairing your insight.

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06-02-2015, 11:47 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:46 AM)Nurse Wrote:  
(06-02-2015 11:20 AM)QuasiAtheist Wrote:  Concerning whats the best interest of the child, it is good/wholesome/correct advice ---- concerning a self centered Single Parent Mother who has to get her needs met over her childs, it is not so good advice. Dr. Laura is a sound logic based Psychologist of which morally degraded America needs more of ; you call her that vile name because your morals differ and are of a low standard to obtain maximum pleasure , whether right or wrong . Sensible Parents do what is ultimately right for their offspring even if it requires some self sacrificing for a time and do so out of love for their child.

Your anal glaucoma is impairing your insight.

In other words, he's full of shit up to his eyeballs.

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06-02-2015, 11:50 AM (This post was last modified: 06-02-2015 02:11 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:31 AM)Anjele Wrote:  So, when my first husband died when I was 27 and the kids were 3 and 7, I should have just hung out with them for the next 15 years and had no sort of life at all? Hmmm....that would have meant they missed out on a stepfather of 7 years and a younger brother. I'll have to tell him that I should have skipped that part of my life, and his. Since 1992 they have had the same stepfather.

Hard as it may be to believe - not every single mother installs a revolving man door.

Yes, you should have not brought other men into their Fold ; you should have had male friends to do things with outside of the home. Its good you are happily married (I assume) and that your kids bonded well with their step dad, but it is not the norm based on a 70 % divorce rate for remarriage and blended families.
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06-02-2015, 11:53 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 11:50 AM)QuasiAtheist Wrote:  
(06-02-2015 11:31 AM)Anjele Wrote:  So, when my first husband died when I was 27 and the kids were 3 and 7, I should have just hung out with them for the next 15 years and had no sort of life at all? Hmmm....that would have meant they missed out on a stepfather of 7 years and a younger brother. I'll have to tell him that I should have skipped that part of my life, and his. Since 1992 they have had the same stepfather.

Hard as it may be to believe - not every single mother installs a revolving man door.

Yes, you should have not brought other men into their Fold ; you should have had male friends to do things with outside of the home. Its good you are happily married (I assume) and that your kids bonded well with their step dad, but it is not the norm based on a 70 % divorce rate for remarriage and blended families.

You did read that the first husband DIED, right?

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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