[split] So I am transitioning
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19-11-2017, 01:24 PM
[split] So I am transitioning
Hi Leerob. I haven't read the whole thread but it sounds like your in a fairly comfortable head space ATM and I'm very pleased for you about that. There was one sentence in your OP that didn't quite parse with me however; and I wonder if you'd mind discussing it with me. No pressure.

(24-07-2017 04:51 AM)Leerob Wrote:  My life so far has been a series of attempts to act the female and it is not working.

How does a female act? How does a male act? There is no meaningful or useful distinction imo. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the quoted sentence however.
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19-11-2017, 05:14 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
(19-11-2017 01:24 PM)Pragmatix Wrote:  Hi Leerob. I haven't read the whole thread but it sounds like your in a fairly comfortable head space ATM and I'm very pleased for you about that. There was one sentence in your OP that didn't quite parse with me however; and I wonder if you'd mind discussing it with me. No pressure.

(24-07-2017 04:51 AM)Leerob Wrote:  My life so far has been a series of attempts to act the female and it is not working.

How does a female act? How does a male act? There is no meaningful or useful distinction imo. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the quoted sentence however.
Hi there, I am actually not in a very good head space but I also started smoking hash which helps with that bad headspace. At least it helps for now.

When I said I tried to act female it means I was trying to fit into the average crowd attached to my same sex. So I studied women and tried to mimic whatever didn't seem too far away from myself. So mannerisms, looks, etc. So for example women smile more and say sorry more - at least as far as I can tell. But I also tried to be real girly, as they say, like wearing dresses/skirts, shaving my legs, make-up. Which also doesn't work for me. I am not the type for things society would call girly.
See, I didn't know that I am not the only person like this until my early twenties. So until then I tried to fit into that "gender mold". Then I married and so I tried not to transition for my husband's and my relationship's sake. So again I tried. Buy clothes in the women section, try to hang out with more girls than guys (and fail at that), try "typically female" hobbies, etc.

I would like to exclaim the fact that I am against that whole gendering of everything but so far society at mass functions that way.
Man I am, I can accept that I do like some things that are associetated with being female and I don't care. I love baking and bags. So fucking what, you know? But yea I did specifically make an effort to display and pass female and I have perfected it but it makes me very unhappy and it makes me want to not be alive. So I stopped doing that about 3ish months ago and decided to transition.

I hope that answered your question

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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19-11-2017, 10:18 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
well, I'm sorry but I'm trying to sort out so many problems right now fam....seems to me that you'r gender/transexualism is largely due to gender role stereotypes influences you've cerebralised. As I always suspected since I first touched this issue back in the day...I'll come back to this thread tomorrow but just gotta listen to music now.
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20-11-2017, 07:31 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(19-11-2017 10:18 PM)Pragmatix Wrote:  well, I'm sorry but I'm trying to sort out so many problems right now fam....seems to me that you'r gender/transexualism is largely due to gender role stereotypes influences you've cerebralised. As I always suspected since I first touched this issue back in the day...I'll come back to this thread tomorrow but just gotta listen to music now.
The fact that this is how i tried to fit into the crowd does not mean that I think in those stereo types or that this is why I am transitioning.
Trying to fit in was one of the ways I tried to not transition and to "not be trans". It was me trying to convince myself that it's just about my mind set and that really I am not a man (or boy back then) and that I can be fine as a woman.
I tried other approaches as well. Just dress and act the way I am and such things as well as therapy and using hobbies as an outlet of the dysphoria.
But really all of this trying around was just - figuratively speaking - putting little plaster on an open fleshwound. It's not going away just because I ignore it or make it look pretty. I need to treat the fleshwound.
See no matter what I have done in the past, I have always been seen, referred to, and treated as a female. I look very female even though I don't act, talk, dress like one so I will be "she" unless I get to transition or if I cannot transition until I die (which would not take too long at this point, I promise).

So no, it is not about societal gender rules or gender norms, it is about me, inside actually being a man. There are studies (and there is a great article from Harvard Univeristy) on the scienitific details of this so if you want to read up on that kind of stuff, I am happy to point you towards some good resources.
If, on the other hand, you are here for some confirmation bias (as it seems from your answer to my previous explanation) then I will likely stop replying to you because I have better things to do with my time.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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20-11-2017, 08:51 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
i just don't want you to damage yourself with hormones; surgery...you think you're the only one struggling with a narcissistic existential dilemma? I just knew I was a man/boy when I looked down.....anyway fuck it you're not 10,000 Sirian civilian collateral casualties...
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20-11-2017, 09:07 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(20-11-2017 08:51 AM)Pragmatix Wrote:  i just don't want you to damage yourself with hormones; surgery...you think you're the only one struggling with a narcissistic existential dilemma? I just knew I was a man/boy when I looked down.....anyway fuck it you're not 10,000 Sirian civilian collateral casualties...

You might want to read the rules for this section. And then tone it down a notch or twenty.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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20-11-2017, 09:10 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d2Ac7IoDuc
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20-11-2017, 09:13 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(20-11-2017 09:07 AM)Vera Wrote:  
(20-11-2017 08:51 AM)Pragmatix Wrote:  i just don't want you to damage yourself with hormones; surgery...you think you're the only one struggling with a narcissistic existential dilemma? I just knew I was a man/boy when I looked down.....anyway fuck it you're not 10,000 Sirian civilian collateral casualties...

You might want to read the rules for this section. And then tone it down a notch or twenty.

What..I'm too heavy? Like repping transsexualism isn't heavier than mere (sic) words.
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20-11-2017, 09:21 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(20-11-2017 09:13 AM)Pragmatix Wrote:  Like repping transsexualism


What the fuck does this even mean?

Quote:mere (sic)

Do you even know what sic means?

Mods, you should probably split this.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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20-11-2017, 09:26 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Oh my day's education deficit. Sic means that one acknowledges the term but disagrees with it. Great forum tho imo...I hope I don't kill this one too.
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