to burn or not to burn.... email going around
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27-09-2011, 10:09 PM (This post was last modified: 27-09-2011 11:14 PM by defacto7.)
to burn or not to burn.... email going around
My wife just forwarded this to me. I hope it's not old news but it's the first I've seen it. It's an email going around and I think it's hilarious...

To B(urn) or not to B(urn) that is the question....

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

... 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian).

Who can turn skies back and begin again?
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27-09-2011, 10:28 PM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
I used to think Leviticus was a hoot until I discovered that there are people in this World that take it seriously. I always thought it was a Bronze Age Monty Python show.

God killing Aaron's sons on the spot because they lit the sacrificial fire incorrectly and killing a poor guy because he was collecting firewood on a Sunday? Are these not Pythonesque?

Now I learn that I can't own an Australian slave, I'll have to get one/some from New Zealand or Asia. Darn!

"To think of what the world has suffered from superstition, from religion, from the worship of beast and stone and god, is
almost enough to make one insane."

Robert G. Ingersoll
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27-09-2011, 11:02 PM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
(27-09-2011 10:09 PM)defacto7 Wrote:  8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I laughed so hard I nearly choked to death.

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28-09-2011, 12:32 AM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
That sure was a great laugh. So, since I'm wearing contacts, I'm doomed either way? But, but, I was still a christian when I started wearing glasses... No fair God! No fair!


About the questions; theophilus (or any other active theist member), why don't you answer these? I'm really curious about the christian point of view on the holy manual of truth and justice.

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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01-05-2012, 04:33 PM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
Awesome! That started my day off in the right frame of mind.

"I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders...
Thanks for getting off my back!"
-
Arcticspear Idea
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01-05-2012, 04:47 PM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
I wouldn't mind owning a Canadian. Dodgy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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01-05-2012, 04:53 PM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
You can have me for the right price.

Ground rules are:

No sexual activity, I'm married.
No hard labor, as I'm Canadian and expressly forbidden.
I don't like heights so none of those.
You can whip me, but only if I get ice cream afterwards.

Deal or no deal?

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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01-05-2012, 05:30 PM (This post was last modified: 01-05-2012 05:38 PM by darcie.)
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
Dr. Laura deconverted from being jewish. I wonder if she still holds these beliefs?
I'm sure she's still a right wing nut, tho.
http://www.wnd.com/2003/08/20212/

The preachers deal with men of straw, as they are men of straw themselves -
Henry David Thoreau

Without god, life is everything
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01-05-2012, 07:11 PM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
(01-05-2012 05:30 PM)darcie Wrote:  Dr. Laura deconverted from being jewish. I wonder if she still holds these beliefs?
I'm sure she's still a right wing nut, tho.
http://www.wnd.com/2003/08/20212/
Only loophole I could find in Laura's list was Jesus' later claim that some good work could be done on the Sabbath.

Its tough out there in Loony Land! Blink
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01-05-2012, 07:16 PM
RE: to burn or not to burn.... email going around
Most excellent defacto7, thank you!!

Your beliefs do not make you a better person, your behavior does.
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